The graph below shows the information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.
Sample Response
The rendered vertical bar graph manifests the information regarding the proportion of employed individuals in six nations namely, Australia, Switzerland, New Zealand, Iceland, Britain, and the USA, about one decade from 1995 to 2005. The data has been calibrated in percentage.
Overall, the striking feature is that the men had a better employment record as compared to the women throughout the given tenure. Moreover, Iceland and Switzerland’s employment conditions were comparatively better than the rest of the nations.
As is presented in the given bar graph, in Australia, more than half of the male was employed, in 1995, whereas its ratio was drastically increased in the next ten years. By 70%, Switzerland and Iceland’s men possessed jobs in 1995, but it gradually grew and Iceland’s men status reached at zenith point around 80% by 2005.
The percentile of employment rates in the UK, New Zealand, and the USA was more or less similar in the initial year, about 60%. However, after a decade, a significant proportion was observed in these three nations regarding the businessmen, was just below three quarter.
Further analysis regarding the females reveals that, in 1995, a quarter of women were employed for the job, in Australia. Whereas merely one-tenth of females were inclined in the next ten years. The females’ employment ratio was only 55% in 1995, while it reached 70% in 2005, in Switzerland. The percentage of working women in Iceland was just over 40%, in 1995. On the other hand, its ratio was escalated and reached exactly half.
The proportion of employed women in New Zealand and America rose slightly from 47% in 1995 and after a decade it consisted of 60%. In the UK, the percentile of working females was more than half whereas in the subsequent years its ratio increased only one-tenth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural description Original: rendered vertical bar graph manifests Suggested revision: bar chart shows Why it matters: This concise wording describes the visual more naturally.
- 2. Set off namely Original: six nations namely Suggested revision: six nations, namely Why it matters: A comma is needed before the list introduced by “namely.”
- 3. Clarify time span Original: about one decade from 1995 to 2005 Suggested revision: over the decade from 1995 to 2005 Why it matters: The chart compares two points across a ten-year period.
- 4. Use data collocation Original: calibrated in percentage Suggested revision: presented as percentages Why it matters: Data are presented as percentages rather than calibrated in percentage.
- 5. State comparison precisely Original: better employment record as compared to Suggested revision: higher employment rates than Why it matters: This wording expresses the chart comparison directly and precisely.
- 6. Use correct time word Original: given tenure Suggested revision: period Why it matters: “Tenure” does not naturally describe the time covered by a chart.
- 7. Name the measured feature Original: employment conditions were comparatively better Suggested revision: employment rates were comparatively higher Why it matters: The visual measures employment rates, not general employment conditions.
- 8. Fix number agreement Original: more than half of the male was employed Suggested revision: more than half of the men were employed Why it matters: The plural noun and verb are required when referring to the male population.
- 9. Use active trend verb Original: whereas its ratio was drastically increased Suggested revision: while the figure rose considerably Why it matters: An intransitive active verb is needed to describe the change in the figure.
- 10. Use correct measure Original: The percentile of employment rates Suggested revision: The male employment rates Why it matters: “Percentile” is not the correct term for the percentages shown.
- 11. State the figure directly Original: a significant proportion was observed Suggested revision: the male employment rate stood Why it matters: The original passive construction leaves the measured subject unclear.
- 12. Refer to employed men Original: regarding the businessmen Suggested revision: for employed men Why it matters: The chart concerns all employed men rather than businessmen specifically.
Suggested Rewrites
- rendered vertical bar graph manifests bar chart shows
- six nations namely six nations, namely
- about one decade from 1995 to 2005 over the decade from 1995 to 2005
- calibrated in percentage presented as percentages
- better employment record as compared to higher employment rates than
- given tenure period
Why this response received Band 6.0
The report has a clear overview and a sensible male/female structure, and it identifies the dominant pattern that male employment was higher in every country. Its main weakness is data accuracy: it describes Australia's female change unclearly and merges New Zealand with the USA despite markedly different rates, while awkward wording sometimes obscures comparisons; the highest priority is to verify each figure against the chart and express changes in simple, precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response provides a relevant overview and covers all countries, but some female figures and comparisons are inaccurate or unclear.
Check each country's four bars separately and report the most important changes without combining countries that show different values.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses logically from an overview to male and female data, with generally clear paragraph grouping.
Use clearer comparison sentences and avoid fragments or loosely connected clauses that interrupt the flow.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of vocabulary, but frequent unsuitable choices such as 'percentile,' 'businessmen,' and 'inclined' reduce precision.
Prefer standard chart language such as 'percentage,' 'employment rate,' 'rose,' and 'reached' throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, although recurring agreement, article, pronoun, and sentence-boundary errors weaken control.
Prioritize accurate subject-verb agreement and complete, cleanly punctuated sentences before adding more complex structures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.