The charts below describe 4 sectors of employment, in 2009 and 2020, in two towns.
Sample Response
The two pie charts show information about employment in Manufacturing, Hospitality, Engineering and Teaching in 2 towns in the years 2009 and 2020.
Overall, it can be clearly seen that there was a significant increase in the number of people employed in Manufacturing in Town A, while Town B experienced a substantial decline in the same sector.
Taking a closer look at Town A, the amount of people employed in the Manufacturing sector tripled from 20% in 2009 to 60% in 2020, while the Engineering sector experienced a sharp decrease during the same period, from 60% to 17%, in an inverse pattern to Manufacturing sector’s figures. The changes to Hospitality and Teaching sectors’ employment were quite minor in both years, with Hospitality slightly increasing from 11% to 15% and Teaching staff numbers shrinking from 9% to 8%.
Moving on to Town B, Hospitality and Teaching experienced growth of similar proportions, with Teaching increasing twofold from 10% in 2009 to 20% in 2020 and Hospitality slightly less, from 15% in 2009 to 20% in 2020. The Manufacturing sector witnessed a large reduction in figures, from 40% to 25%, while Engineering had no changes.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct chart count Original: two Suggested revision: four Why it matters: The visual contains four pie charts, with two years shown for each town.
- 2. Use formal number style Original: 2 Suggested revision: two Why it matters: Writing a small number as a word is more appropriate in formal report prose.
- 3. Describe proportions accurately Original: number Suggested revision: proportion Why it matters: The charts report percentage shares rather than absolute numbers of employees.
- 4. Clarify comparison period Original: in both years Suggested revision: between the two years Why it matters: The sentence describes changes from 2009 to 2020, so the comparison occurs between the years.
- 5. Avoid inaccurate comparison Original: experienced growth of similar proportions Suggested revision: both increased to the same final share Why it matters: Teaching rose by ten percentage points and Hospitality by five, although both reached 20%.
- 6. Complete the comparison Original: and Hospitality slightly less Suggested revision: while Hospitality rose more modestly Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a complete verb and does not state the contrast clearly.
- 7. Name the measure Original: a large reduction in figures Suggested revision: a large reduction in its share Why it matters: Referring to the sector's share states precisely what the percentages measure.
- 8. Use natural verb form Original: had no changes Suggested revision: did not change Why it matters: The verb phrase is the natural grammatical form for an unchanged percentage.
- 9. Use concise time phrasing Original: in the years 2009 and 2020 Suggested revision: in 2009 and 2020 Why it matters: The shorter time phrase is clearer and fully preserves the dates.
- 10. State the measure precisely Original: show information about employment Suggested revision: show the proportions employed Why it matters: Naming proportions makes clear that the charts present percentage shares.
- 11. Remove empty framing Original: it can be clearly seen that Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The overview is more direct without this formulaic framing phrase.
- 12. Improve noun phrase Original: The changes to Hospitality and Teaching sectors’ employment Suggested revision: The changes in the employment shares for Hospitality and Teaching Why it matters: This structure expresses the relationship between the sectors and their changing shares more naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- two four
- 2 two
- number proportion
- in both years between the two years
- experienced growth of similar proportions both increased to the same final share
- and Hospitality slightly less while Hospitality rose more modestly
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its accurate, well-organised coverage of nearly all sector changes, supported by clear numerical comparisons. Its main limitation is an overview that captures the contrasting manufacturing trends but omits Town A's equally prominent engineering decline, while the introduction incorrectly refers to two charts. Prioritise a more comprehensive overview that identifies both dominant shifts and accurately describes the four-chart format.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report accurately covers the sector figures and major changes, but the overview omits Town A's sharp engineering decline and the introduction miscounts the charts.
Make the overview more comprehensive by pairing Town A's manufacturing rise with its corresponding engineering fall and identifying all four charts correctly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped by town, with clear paragraphing and smooth progression from the overview to detailed comparisons.
Refine a few long comparative sentences so that each contrast is expressed with maximum clarity and economy.
Lexical Resource
The response uses varied trend vocabulary and generally precise sector language, despite occasional awkward collocations such as “the amount of people” and “had no changes”.
Use more natural formulations such as “the proportion of people” and “remained unchanged” to sharpen lexical precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex comparative structures is used accurately, with only minor article and possessive phrasing issues.
Polish noun phrases by consistently using articles and possessives in constructions such as “the manufacturing sector's figures”.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below describe 4 sectors of employment, in 2009 and 2020, in two towns.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.