The line graph below shows the population size, birth and death rate of England and Wales from 1700 to 2000.
Sample Response
The line graph gives data on the birth rate, death rate and total population of England and Wales over the span of three centuries, from 1700 to 2000. As a general trend, the population in England and Wales increased overwhelmingly after the 19th century and the death rate declined while the birth rate after 1950 went upward. As the diagram suggests, the population of England and Wales at the beginning of the 18th century was only 3 million which went as high as 10 million in 50 years. During the next 50 years, the population noticeably declined and reached to just over 3 million again at the beginning of the 19th century. However, a rapid population growth could be observed and it soared in the following centuries before reaching to 50 million in 2000. The birth rate, childbirth per 1000 people, in England and Wales was 30 in the year 1700, which grew to 40 after 50 years. The death rate, number of mortality per 1000 people, followed a similar trend and reached to almost 38 in 1750. Afterwards, both the birth and death rates sank steadily and reached to just over 20 in 1950 with some fluctuations in the preceding decades. After that, the birth rate sharply increased and skyrocketed while the death rate stabilized. In 2000, the birth rate in the UK and Wales was as high as 34 while the death rate was 20.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Be concise Original: over the span of three centuries Suggested revision: over three centuries Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same time span more directly.
- 2. Use precise adverb Original: increased overwhelmingly Suggested revision: increased substantially Why it matters: 'Overwhelmingly' does not naturally describe a numerical rise.
- 3. Correct timeframe Original: after the 19th century Suggested revision: during the 19th and 20th centuries Why it matters: The population rises from its 1800 low throughout both centuries, not only after 1900.
- 4. Use formal wording Original: the birth rate after 1950 went upward Suggested revision: the birth rate rose after 1950 Why it matters: 'Rose' is a more concise and formal description of the trend.
- 5. Clarify sequence Original: During the next 50 years Suggested revision: Over the following 50 years Why it matters: This phrasing links the 1750–1800 period more smoothly to the preceding sentence.
- 6. Remove extra preposition Original: reached to just over 3 million Suggested revision: fell to just over 3 million Why it matters: 'Reach' does not take 'to', and 'fell' also states the downward movement clearly.
- 7. Define rate accurately Original: The birth rate, childbirth per 1000 people, Suggested revision: The birth rate, measured as births per 1,000 people, Why it matters: A rate counts births rather than the process of childbirth.
- 8. Be concise Original: in the year 1700 Suggested revision: in 1700 Why it matters: The shorter date expression is clearer and equally precise.
- 9. Link values clearly Original: which grew to 40 Suggested revision: and it rose to 40 Why it matters: A coordinated clause makes the chronological comparison easier to follow.
- 10. Define rate accurately Original: The death rate, number of mortality per 1000 people, Suggested revision: The death rate, measured as deaths per 1,000 people, Why it matters: 'Number of mortality' is not a grammatical or natural definition of this measure.
- 11. Remove extra preposition Original: reached to almost 38 Suggested revision: reached almost 38 Why it matters: The verb 'reached' takes a direct object without 'to'.
- 12. Qualify the trend Original: sank steadily Suggested revision: generally declined Why it matters: The lines include plateaus and fluctuations, so the decline was not steady.
Suggested Rewrites
- over the span of three centuries over three centuries
- increased overwhelmingly increased substantially
- after the 19th century during the 19th and 20th centuries
- the birth rate after 1950 went upward the birth rate rose after 1950
- During the next 50 years Over the following 50 years
- reached to just over 3 million fell to just over 3 million
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear overview and accurately traces the major population, birth-rate, and death-rate movements across the period, supported by well-selected figures. The main limitation is occasional imprecision in describing changes and measures, including the claim that both rates fell steadily and several unnatural statistical expressions. Prioritise more exact trend language and accurate collocations for rates, population changes, and units.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The main trends and turning points are accurately selected and well supported, with only minor overstatement of how steadily the two rates declined.
Distinguish the long flat periods from actual falls and refer consistently to England and Wales rather than 'the UK and Wales.'
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a clear chronological progression from population change to the two rates, and referencing and linking are generally effective.
Use separate paragraphs for the population series and the birth-and-death-rate comparison to make the structure more immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
A good range of trend vocabulary conveys the data clearly, though several choices such as 'increased overwhelmingly' and 'number of mortality' are unnatural.
Prefer precise statistical phrases such as 'rose sharply,' 'deaths per 1,000 people,' and 'reached' without the preposition 'to.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences are generally well controlled, but repeated preposition errors and a few awkward noun constructions remain noticeable.
Correct recurring forms such as 'reached 50 million' and revise definitions so each rate is expressed in a complete, grammatical clause.