The table shows the number of employees and factories producing silk in England and Wales between 1851 and 1901.
Sample Response
The table provides information about the workforce in silk production, in two countries, England and Wales, over a period of 50 years, starting from 1851.
It is clear that the total number of silk workers in the two countries declined over the period, and that significantly more women were employed than men in this industry. Also, the number of silk manufacturing factories increased over the 50 year period, despite some fluctuations.
In 1851, the silk workforce was at its peak, with 130,750 employees, including 76,786 females and approximately 54,000 males. In contrast, the number of silk factories was at its lowest in 1851, at only 272. However, ten years later, the number of silk factories had almost tripled, reaching 761, while the total number of employees experienced a significant fall of over 20,000 people.
Over the following 40 years, the total number of female and male workers gradually decreased throughout the period, to 25,567 and 13,375 respectively, which resulted in a drop in the total number of employees, at 38,942 in 1901. Meanwhile, the number of silk factories experienced a gradual decline over these 40 years, from 761 in 1861 to 623 in 1901.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove lexical redundancy Original: silk manufacturing factories Suggested revision: silk factories Why it matters: “Manufacturing factories” is redundant because factories already manufacture goods.
- 2. Clarify net change Original: increased over the 50 year period Suggested revision: ended the 50-year period at a higher level Why it matters: The factory count finished above its initial level but peaked much earlier, so this wording is more precise.
- 3. Use exact worker figure Original: approximately 54,000 males Suggested revision: 53,964 male workers Why it matters: The exact table value and a consistent people noun make the comparison more precise.
- 4. Avoid repeated preposition Original: at its lowest in 1851, at only 272 Suggested revision: at its lowest point in 1851, with only 272 Why it matters: Using “with” avoids the awkward repetition of “at.”
- 5. Quantify exact decline Original: experienced a significant fall of over 20,000 people Suggested revision: fell by 20,881 workers Why it matters: The two table totals show an exact decrease of 20,881 between 1851 and 1861.
- 6. Sentence rewrite Original: The table provides information about the workforce in silk production, in two countries, England and Wales, over a period of 50 years, starting from 1851. Suggested revision: The table compares the numbers of silk-industry employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901. Why it matters: This version accurately introduces both measures and avoids implying that separate national figures are provided.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: Over the following 40 years, the total number of female and male workers gradually decreased throughout the period, to 25,567 and 13,375 respectively, which resulted in a drop in the total number of employees, at 38,942 in 1901. Suggested revision: Over the following 40 years, the numbers of female and male workers fell overall to 25,567 and 13,375 respectively, although male employment briefly rose between 1881 and 1891; consequently, the total fell to 38,942 in 1901. Why it matters: Male employment did not decrease continuously, because it rose from 25,766 in 1881 to 28,689 in 1891.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Meanwhile, the number of silk factories experienced a gradual decline over these 40 years, from 761 in 1861 to 623 in 1901. Suggested revision: Meanwhile, the number of silk factories fell overall from 761 in 1861 to 623 in 1901, despite a slight rise from 693 in 1871 to 702 in 1881. Why it matters: The factory total did not decline continuously across the period shown.
Suggested Rewrites
- silk manufacturing factories silk factories
- increased over the 50 year period ended the 50-year period at a higher level
- approximately 54,000 males 53,964 male workers
- at its lowest in 1851, at only 272 at its lowest point in 1851, with only 272
- experienced a significant fall of over 20,000 people fell by 20,881 workers
- The table provides information about the workforce in silk production, in two countries, England and Wales, over a period of 50 years, starting from 1851. The table compares the numbers of silk-industry employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear overview and selects useful start, peak and end-point figures, supported by fluent comparisons and controlled organisation. Its main weakness is that it describes both worker totals and factory numbers as declining gradually after 1861, overlooking the male-worker rise in 1891 and the factory increase in 1881. Prioritise checking every claimed continuous trend against each intermediate row before summarising it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main overall trends and key figures are well selected, but two statements of gradual decline overlook intermediate reversals in male employment and factory numbers.
Qualify the later trends and mention the 1881 factory rise and the 1891 increase in male workers before giving the final figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is arranged effectively from overview to early-period and later-period details, with clear progression and well-managed linking.
Use the final paragraph to contrast the small intermediate fluctuations with the dominant downward trends rather than presenting them as uninterrupted.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and precise, with natural language for peaks, falls, fluctuations and proportional change.
Increase precision by reserving ‘gradually decreased throughout’ for a series in which every recorded interval actually falls.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentences is used with consistently strong control, and minor awkward phrasing does not impede clarity.
Tighten phrases such as ‘the total number of employees, at 38,942’ by using a more direct result construction.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table shows the number of employees and factories producing silk in England and Wales between 1851 and 1901.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.