The bar chart below shows the global sales of televisions by Supervision Incorporation from 1999 to 2012. Television Sales by Supervision Incorporation (in millions)
Sample Response
The bar chart presents data on the global TV sales from 1999 to 2012, over a period of 14 years, by the Supervision Incorporation. The sales volume is given in million units and it is obvious that sales amount of this company increased with some fluctuations over the time. Getting back to the details, 10 million TVs were sold by Supervision Incorporation worldwide in 1999 and it increased by 3 to 5 million in 2002 and 2003. The sales amount dropped a bit in the next year and then rose again in 2004 with a figure of nearly 20 million sales. From this point, there was a steady progress in the television sales and the number went over 30 million in 2008. The company witnessed a decline in its sales in 2009 compared to the previous year’s sale. The global TV sales in 2010 by this manufacturer went well over 40 million which was just double than that of 2005. Finally, with a slight dip in 2011, the sales volume of TVs by this company in 2012 reached to around 48.5 million.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clearer wording Original: the Supervision Incorporation Suggested revision: Supervision Incorporation Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 2. Grammar fix Original: sales amount of this company Suggested revision: the company's sales volume Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 3. Clearer wording Original: over the time Suggested revision: over time Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 4. Clearer wording Original: Getting back to the details Suggested revision: In detail Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 5. Clearer wording Original: increased by 3 to 5 million in 2002 and 2003 Suggested revision: rose to about 14 million in 2001 and 2002 Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 6. Grammar fix Original: dropped a bit in the next year Suggested revision: fell to about 13 million in 2003 Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 7. Clearer wording Original: nearly 20 million sales Suggested revision: about 18 million units Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 8. Clearer wording Original: steady progress Suggested revision: steady growth Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 9. Clearer wording Original: in the television sales Suggested revision: in television sales Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 10. Grammar fix Original: went over 30 million in 2008 Suggested revision: reached about 31 million in 2008 Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 11. Clearer wording Original: previous year’s sale Suggested revision: previous year's sales Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
- 12. Clearer wording Original: double than that of 2005 Suggested revision: double the 2005 figure Why it matters: This revision is more accurate, natural and precise in context.
Suggested Rewrites
- the Supervision Incorporation Supervision Incorporation
- sales amount of this company the company's sales volume
- over the time over time
- Getting back to the details In detail
- increased by 3 to 5 million in 2002 and 2003 rose to about 14 million in 2001 and 2002
- dropped a bit in the next year fell to about 13 million in 2003
Why this response received Band 6.5
The report gives a clear overall trend and selects the two downturns as notable features, with generally logical progression from the start to the end of the period. However, several year references and numerical descriptions are inaccurate or ambiguous, and awkward data collocations recur; revising each bar against the chart and using precise rise-to or fall-to structures would make the account substantially stronger.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The task is addressed with relevant content, but key details or reasoning need fuller precision.
Develop the main features or claims with exact, verifiable support.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall structure, though local progression can be more precise.
Use explicit, economical sequencing and remove repetition.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the task, but several collocations or word choices are inaccurate.
Replace awkward combinations with standard academic or task-specific phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of forms is attempted, but recurring grammar errors reduce accuracy.
Proofread agreement, articles, prepositions and clause structure.