The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.
Sample Response
The number of men and women who enrolled for the course at adult education institute is illustrated by given bar chart in the year 2009. Additionally, the pie chart shows the ages of enrolled students for the course.
Overall, the majority of people selected language and painting as their mainstream, while sculpture is the least enrolled subject, and data of the ages depicts the most enrolment done by the people who have age more than 50 years. On the other hand, young people have the least participation.
First of all, from the given graph we can see that the number of females who are doing a course in literature, painting and drama are 40, 30 and 20 respectively, but for sculpture, numbers plunged to only 5. Secondly, the highest number of male candidates enjoying painting, which is 25, besides 20 men studying the language. Further, the number reduced by half drama and sculpture.
Furthermore, senior people accounted for almost 42% of all candidates. A quarter of people belong to the age group of 40-49 years and a number varying between 10 to 20 for the age group of 20-39. Shockingly, only a fraction of young candidates participated in the course.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct preposition Original: enrolled for the course Suggested revision: enrolled in courses Why it matters: People enrol in a course or courses, not for one.
- 2. Add the article Original: at adult education institute Suggested revision: at an adult education centre Why it matters: A singular countable institution needs an article here.
- 3. Add the article Original: by given bar chart Suggested revision: by the given bar chart Why it matters: The specific chart requires the definite article.
- 4. Use concise chart wording Original: the ages of enrolled students for the course Suggested revision: the age distribution of course participants Why it matters: Age distribution accurately describes what the pie chart presents.
- 5. Identify the age group Original: young people Suggested revision: participants aged under 20 Why it matters: The chart defines the youngest group specifically as those aged under 20.
- 6. Use comparative noun phrase Original: least Suggested revision: lowest Why it matters: Lowest is the appropriate superlative for comparing participation levels.
- 7. State the evidence directly Original: from the given graph we can see that Suggested revision: the bar chart shows that Why it matters: Direct reporting is clearer and avoids an unnecessary reader reference.
- 8. Use concise noun phrase Original: females who are doing a course Suggested revision: women enrolled Why it matters: This concise phrase is grammatically suited to the chart description.
- 9. Correct the course name Original: literature Suggested revision: language Why it matters: The bar chart labels the course as Language, not literature.
- 10. Fix number agreement Original: are Suggested revision: was Why it matters: The grammatical subject is the singular noun number.
- 11. Avoid false trend Original: plunged to only 5 Suggested revision: was 5 Why it matters: The chart compares course categories and does not show a fall over time.
- 12. Clarify the comparison Original: reduced by half drama and sculpture Suggested revision: was half as high for both drama and sculpture Why it matters: The revision supplies the missing comparison structure and identifies both courses.
Suggested Rewrites
- enrolled for the course enrolled in courses
- at adult education institute at an adult education centre
- by given bar chart by the given bar chart
- the ages of enrolled students for the course the age distribution of course participants
- young people participants aged under 20
- least lowest
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the main patterns in both charts and follows a sensible progression from course choices to participants' ages. Its main limitation is uneven accuracy and clarity, particularly the mistaken reference to literature and the vague treatment of the 20–39 age groups. The highest-priority improvement is to report each category precisely while using complete, grammatically controlled comparison sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview captures the largest and smallest categories, and most figures are accurate, but language is mislabeled as literature and the 20–39 age data are reported vaguely.
Name every chart category exactly and state the two younger adult proportions separately as 11% and 16%.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organised into a clear introduction, overview, bar-chart paragraph, and age paragraph, though some linking is mechanical and several sentences are difficult to follow.
Use fewer sequencing expressions and connect each comparison directly to a clear subject and reference point.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for describing enrolment and proportions, but several choices and collocations, including mainstream and most enrolment done, are imprecise.
Prefer standard Task 1 wording such as most popular course, accounted for, and participants aged 50 or over.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent article, agreement, and sentence-structure errors reduce clarity in several places.
Build complete clauses with accurate articles and finite verbs, especially when comparing male and female enrolment figures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.