The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.
Sample Response
The bar graph illustrates the number of people from both genders who attended different evening courses such as Drama, Painting, Sculpture and language in the year 2009 at an adult education centre. The pie chart illustrates data on the ages of participants who attended these courses.
In 2009, women loved to attend maximum language courses (40 women) and were least likely to visit sculpture (nearly 5 women only), Although men attended painting class nearly 25 in number. In contrast, women are 30 in the same course. However, men attended drama and sculpture classes equally, which is 10 persons each and men and women attended language and drama classes on an average of 20 each simultaneously.
Furthermore, 42 per cent of the total population who attended various courses are the age of 50 and above, and only 5 % are under 20, and people from 20-29 are 11%, and from the age 40 to 49 are 16%. Lastly, nearly a quarter of the population from 40-49 are attended(26%).
Overall, in 2009 mostly older people attended various courses and out of this, women love to attend language classes; however, men visited painting classes most.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the groups Original: from both genders Suggested revision: of men and women Why it matters: Naming the two groups directly is more precise for this chart.
- 2. Use consistent case Original: Drama, Painting, Sculpture and language Suggested revision: drama, painting, sculpture and language Why it matters: These course types are common nouns and should use consistent lowercase styling.
- 3. Describe attendance objectively Original: women loved to attend maximum language courses Suggested revision: the largest number of women attended language classes Why it matters: Use objective comparison language rather than attributing preference to the participants.
- 4. Use course collocation Original: visit sculpture Suggested revision: attend sculpture classes Why it matters: People attend a course or class rather than visit it.
- 5. Order quantity naturally Original: nearly 5 women only Suggested revision: only 5 women Why it matters: Place 'only' before the quantity and omit the inaccurate approximation.
- 6. Use past attendance Original: women are 30 Suggested revision: 30 women attended Why it matters: Use the past-tense reporting verb and place the number before the group.
- 7. Clarify equal counts Original: which is 10 persons each Suggested revision: with 10 men in each Why it matters: This construction clearly links the same male count to both classes.
- 8. Identify chart population Original: 42 per cent of the total population Suggested revision: 42% of all participants Why it matters: The percentage refers to course participants, not the total population.
- 9. Use age construction Original: are the age of 50 and above Suggested revision: were aged 50 or over Why it matters: Use the past-tense form 'were aged' to describe this age group.
- 10. Match reporting tense Original: 5 % are under 20 Suggested revision: 5% were under 20 Why it matters: Past tense is required because the data relate to 2009.
- 11. Report share clearly Original: people from 20-29 are 11% Suggested revision: those aged 20–29 accounted for 11% Why it matters: This structure correctly expresses the proportion represented by an age group.
- 12. Correct age group Original: from the age 40 to 49 are 16% Suggested revision: those aged 30–39 accounted for 16% Why it matters: The visual assigns 16% to ages 30–39, while ages 40–49 account for 26%.
Suggested Rewrites
- from both genders of men and women
- Drama, Painting, Sculpture and language drama, painting, sculpture and language
- women loved to attend maximum language courses the largest number of women attended language classes
- visit sculpture attend sculpture classes
- nearly 5 women only only 5 women
- women are 30 30 women attended
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response covers both visuals and successfully identifies several broad patterns, especially the dominance of older participants and the most popular courses for each gender. However, confused comparisons and mislabelled age groups reduce factual accuracy, while frequent sentence-level errors blur some relationships. First, verify each category and value against the charts, then present the bar and pie findings in separate, clearly controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A relevant overview and several correct key figures are provided, but inaccurate course comparisons and the repeated 40–49 label leave important visual information unclear.
Correctly identify 30–39 as 16% and 40–49 as 26%, then compare each course by gender without combining unrelated figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-part structure gives the report a basic progression, but faulty linking, long coordinated sentences, and unclear references disrupt the flow within paragraphs.
Organize one body paragraph around gender comparisons and one around age groups, using one clear comparison per sentence.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers courses, age groups, proportions, and comparisons, but awkward choices such as “loved to attend maximum” and “visited painting classes” limit precision.
Use neutral chart language such as “the highest number attended” and “was the most popular course” consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some varied sentence forms are attempted, but frequent tense, agreement, article, punctuation, and clause-structure errors reduce control and occasionally obscure meaning.
Keep chart descriptions consistently in the past tense and proofread each sentence for a complete clause and accurate subject-verb agreement.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.