The graph shows a comparison in the pulse rate changes between two different individuals of different ages and professions. Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown in the diagrams below. Exercise and pulse rate
Sample Response
The line graph compares the heart beats of two individuals – Mabel, a 36 years old office worker, and Albert, a 26 years old former college athlete, during their four minute exercise period. Overall, office worker’s heart beat rate was lower before starting the exercise but in third and final minutes, his pulse rate was recorded higher. Getting back to the details, Mabel, who works in an office, has a pulse rate of roughly 62-65 per minute. Albert, on the contrary, is a former college athlete who has a pulse rate of 80 per minute. Their pulse rates changed during the workout and after one minute both of their health beats became approximately 80. When two minutes elapsed, Mabel’s pulse rate dramatically increased to around 150 while it was 120 for Albert. After three minutes of exercise, office worker Mabel’s heart beating was recorded roughly 110 while the former athlete’s pulse rate was precisely 100. After 4 minutes, both of their pulse rate dipped and it was 60 for Albert while 80 for Mabel.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use chart term Original: heart beats Suggested revision: pulse rates Why it matters: "Pulse rates" matches the graph's measure and avoids treating "heartbeat" as a count here.
- 2. Hyphenate age modifier Original: 36 years old Suggested revision: 36-year-old Why it matters: An age used before a noun is singular and hyphenated.
- 3. Hyphenate age modifier Original: 26 years old Suggested revision: 26-year-old Why it matters: An age used before a noun is singular and hyphenated.
- 4. Hyphenate time modifier Original: four minute Suggested revision: four-minute Why it matters: A compound duration before a noun is singular and hyphenated.
- 5. Use formal transition Original: Getting back to the details Suggested revision: Turning to the details Why it matters: This transition is more concise and appropriate for a formal report.
- 6. State baseline clearly Original: roughly 62-65 per minute Suggested revision: about 65 beats per minute Why it matters: The graph marks Mabel's initial rate at approximately 65 beats per minute.
- 7. Use direct contrast Original: on the contrary Suggested revision: by contrast Why it matters: "By contrast" naturally introduces Albert's different starting value.
- 8. Correct the term Original: health beats Suggested revision: heart rates Why it matters: "Health beats" is a word error; the intended measure is heart rate.
- 9. Use precise timing Original: When two minutes elapsed Suggested revision: At the two-minute mark Why it matters: This concise phrase locates the values directly on the graph's time axis.
- 10. Use measurement term Original: heart beating Suggested revision: pulse rate Why it matters: The graph reports a pulse rate, not a person's "heart beating."
- 11. Correct Mabel value Original: roughly 110 Suggested revision: 100 Why it matters: At three minutes, the graph shows Mabel at 100 beats per minute.
- 12. Correct Albert value Original: precisely 100 Suggested revision: 110 Why it matters: At three minutes, the graph shows Albert at 110 beats per minute.
Suggested Rewrites
- heart beats pulse rates
- 36 years old 36-year-old
- 26 years old 26-year-old
- four minute four-minute
- Getting back to the details Turning to the details
- roughly 62-65 per minute about 65 beats per minute
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response follows the time sequence clearly and reports most plotted values accurately, including the contrasting starting rates, shared rise and final readings. However, it reverses Mabel’s and Albert’s values at minute three and repeats that mistake in the overview, while frequent agreement and word-form errors reduce control; prioritise an accurate overview of the minute-two peak and subsequent decline, then proofread compound modifiers and singular-plural forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
Most values are accurately covered across the full period, but the minute-three figures are reversed and the overview consequently misstates when Mabel’s rate was higher.
State that both rates peaked at minute two and then fell, with Albert higher at minute three but Mabel higher at minute four.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response proceeds clearly from the starting point through each minute, though its single paragraph and repetitive time markers limit structural clarity.
Place the overview in its own paragraph and group the rising phase separately from the post-peak decline.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a useful range of trend and pulse-rate vocabulary, despite awkward or inaccurate forms such as heart beats, health beats and heart beating.
Use pulse rate consistently and reserve verbs such as rose, peaked, fell and dipped for describing the plotted movement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writing includes varied sentence structures, but recurrent errors in compound modifiers, articles, pronouns and agreement reduce grammatical control.
Correct forms such as a 36-year-old worker, a four-minute period, the office worker’s rate and both pulse rates.
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