The line graph below gives information about the number of visitors to three London museums between June and September 2013.
Sample Response
The given line graph compares visitor numbers at three London museumsthe London museum visitors from June 2013 to September 2013. As is presented in the given data, the British Museum was the most popular museumBritish Museum was the most popular museum in terms of visits and there were some fluctuations in the number of visitors for the given four months. More specifically,As is observed from the line graph, British MuseumBritish Museum was the most visited museum in London in 2013 and in June 2013, around 600 thousand people visited this museum. In the same period, there were around 550 thousand visitors in the Natural History Museum whereas 400 thousand visitors visited the Science Museum at that time. In the next month, the visitors of British museum increased to 750 thousand, reaching its highest pointreaching at the highest point, while the visitors of the other two museumsother two museums decreased. With some fluctuations in the next two months' visitors, the visitor numbers of British Museum reached over 650 thousandreached to over 650 thousand in September 2013 whereas the number of other two museums also started increasing compared with the previous monthalso started increasing than the previous month and was around 450 thousand. In conclusion, the British Museum had the highest visitors for the given period and the visitor numbersvisitors’ number for all the three museums fluctuated throughout the four-month periodthe given four months of the year 2013.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response successfully identifies the British Museum as the leading attraction and conveys the broad pattern of fluctuation across the period. Its main limitation is imprecise comparison of the two less-visited museums, compounded by repetitive phrasing and a single dense paragraph; prioritise a clearer three-part structure and state that both fell to August before rebounding in September, with the Natural History Museum slightly higher.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies the British Museum as the most visited and describes the general fluctuation across the four months. Most figures are reasonable, but it could compare the Science Museum and Natural History Museum more precisely at the end of the period.
Add that both smaller museums fell until August and then rose in September, with the Natural History Museum slightly ahead of the Science Museum.
Coherence and Cohesion
The answer has a clear overall direction but is written in one long paragraph. Several phrases repeat 'as is observed' and 'given', which makes the flow less polished.
Use three paragraphs: introduction and overview, June-July, and August-September.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate but repetitive, especially 'visitors' and 'museum'. Some phrases are unnatural, such as 'the London museum visitors' and 'visitors' number'.
Use 'attendance', 'visitor numbers', 'figures', 'rose', 'fell', 'rebounded', and 'peaked'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is clear, but there are article, capitalization, and comparative-structure errors. Some long sentences need cleaner punctuation.
Use shorter sentences with one main comparison per sentence.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The line graph below gives information about the number of visitors to three London museums between June and September 2013.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.