The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.
This response is estimated at Band 5.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The bar chart compares the proportionnumber of eight categories of family expenditureeight parts that families cost every week onin average in 1968 and 2018.
It is obvious that in 1968 food was the highest amount of domestic cost, but the spending onin leisure became the top spending category after 50 years. Furthermore, the cost in housing and transport also experienced an increasealso experiencing a increase between 1968 and 2018.
In 1968, foodthe food accounted for 35 percentcoverd 35 persent of families' weekly bills, morethan three times higher than housing, clothing and footware which tied for the second highest position at aroundtied the second highest part about 10%. In 2018, the weekly domestic spending in leisurelesisure overtook the spending in food up to around 22%, while the parts of housing, transport growing from 10% to almost 20%, 10% to approximately 15%.
The other four parts of weekly families'famlies cost, without household goods which stayed stable atof 8%, dropped slightlylightly in this period of time. Fuel and power faced a decline from 6% to 4%. Clothing and footware had a decreasedesecnt from 10% to 5%, whereas personal goods droppeddopped by a similar amount from 8% to 4%.
Why this response received Band 5.5
文章成功概括了1968年与2018年家庭周支出的主要变化趋势,并提供了关键数据对比。然而,拼写错误较为频繁,且存在多处语意表达不精准与语法结构错误,影响了语言的顺畅度。建议重点提升拼写准确性并加强复杂句型的表达规范。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务完成度
文章包含了清晰的总体趋势概述,并对图表中的主要数据进行了对比与总结。
注意开篇改写时准确描述图表的计量单位(如收入百分比而非“项目数量”),避免细节描述出现微小偏差。
连贯与衔接
文章分段合理,信息按照时间与趋势逻辑进行组织,整体逻辑走向清晰。
增加多样化的连接词与过渡句,避免重复使用简单连接词,使段落间的衔接更加自然。
词汇资源
尝试使用了图表描述的常见词汇,但拼写错误较为频繁且部分词汇搭配不够地道。
加强基础词汇与图表特定词汇的拼写检查,如正确拼写“percent”、“footwear”和“leisure”等。
语法多样性与准确性
能够运用简单句和部分复合句表达意图,但时态、冠词、介词搭配及动词形式错误较为频繁。
注意非谓语动词与谓语动词的结构规范,并熟练掌握“increase by/to”等数据描述介词的用法。