In April 2006, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled on females in a large town. The graphs outline the effect of this vaccination in this town. Number of Deaths in 2005 - 2006 Percentages of complaints recorded after the vaccination Flue Rates for Males and Females
Sample Response
The bar graph shows the number of deceased people in a town in 2006, the year when a flu vaccine was trailed, the pie chart presents the ratio of complaints from different patients due to vaccinations and finally the line graph outlines the flu rates among people in this town throughout the year. According to the bar graph, 2 females died in the town in question in 2005 while no male death was recorded in this year. In 2006, the year the flu vaccine experimented on females in this town, 4 women passed away. However, a male also died in 2006. The pie chart reveals that the highest percentages of complaints (35%) came from the elderly women (over 65 years). Almost a quarter of the total objections were related to adolescents and 13% related to women who were not given the vaccine. 28% of those objections were made by people who were under medical treatments. The line graph shows that the flu rate among females was higher throughout the years. In March 2003 around 1000 females suffered from the flu while this was exactly the half among men. After the vaccination in April 2006, the flu cases actually surged. In May 2006, 3500 females had some kind of flues while just over 2500 men suffered from it. After August, the number of cases stabilized but was higher than the earlier of the year, around 2750 cases for female and just below 1500 for men.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct chart period Original: in a town in 2006 Suggested revision: in a town in 2005 and 2006 Why it matters: The bar chart compares deaths in both 2005 and 2006.
- 2. Correct spelling Original: trailed Suggested revision: trialled Why it matters: The past participle of trial is spelled trialled in British English.
- 3. Fix comma splice Original: , the pie chart Suggested revision: ; the pie chart Why it matters: A semicolon correctly separates these independent clauses.
- 4. Describe distribution accurately Original: the ratio of complaints Suggested revision: the distribution of complaints Why it matters: The pie chart presents percentage shares across four complaint groups, not a ratio.
- 5. Avoid unsupported causation Original: due to vaccinations Suggested revision: after vaccination Why it matters: The visual records complaints after vaccination without establishing that vaccination caused them.
- 6. Use passive verb Original: the flu vaccine experimented on females Suggested revision: the flu vaccine was trialled on females Why it matters: The vaccine receives the action, so a passive construction is required.
- 7. Use singular noun Original: the highest percentages Suggested revision: the highest percentage Why it matters: Only one largest percentage, 35%, is being identified.
- 8. Match chart category Original: elderly women Suggested revision: people aged over 65 Why it matters: The pie-chart category is labelled by age and does not identify this group as women.
- 9. Use chart terminology Original: the total objections Suggested revision: the total complaints Why it matters: Complaints is the term used by the visual and is more precise here.
- 10. Correct group label Original: adolescents Suggested revision: babies or children Why it matters: The 24% segment represents babies or children, not specifically adolescents.
- 11. Add missing verb Original: 13% related Suggested revision: 13% were related Why it matters: The coordinated clause needs its own finite verb.
- 12. Match chart wording Original: women who were not given the vaccine Suggested revision: people not given the vaccine Why it matters: The visual labels this group without specifying women.
Suggested Rewrites
- in a town in 2006 in a town in 2005 and 2006
- trailed trialled
- , the pie chart ; the pie chart
- the ratio of complaints the distribution of complaints
- due to vaccinations after vaccination
- the flu vaccine experimented on females the flu vaccine was trialled on females
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers all three visuals and its graph-by-graph sequence makes the main information generally easy to follow. Its main limitation is incomplete overviewing, compounded by some imprecise descriptions and recurring awkward word choices and grammatical constructions. The highest-priority improvement is to add a clear synthesis of the principal patterns across the visuals, then support it with accurately selected comparisons expressed in more natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
All three visuals are addressed with several accurate figures, but the overview is limited and details such as children being called adolescents and the March year are inaccurate.
State the key cross-visual patterns clearly and check every category, date, and comparison against the charts.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from one visual to the next, although presenting the entire report as one paragraph weakens the structural clarity.
Separate the introduction and overview from grouped detail paragraphs while using referencing more precisely.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for reporting data, but awkward or inaccurate choices such as 'trailed', 'objections', and 'flues' reduce precision.
Use standard chart-reporting collocations and proofread carefully for word form, spelling, and natural phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the meaning, but recurring article, agreement, and construction errors reduce control.
Practise accurate passive structures and comparative phrases, then edit sentences for articles and singular-plural agreement.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
In April 2006, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled on females in a large town. The graphs outline the effect of this vaccination in this town. Number of Deaths in 2005 - 2006 Percentages of complaints recorded after the vaccination Flue Rates for Males and Females
Your response
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