The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India.
Sample Response
The pie charts exhibit four types of food consumptions of the world with that of China and India in 2008. Overall, processed food items were consumed at the highest percentage than other food items and Chinese citizens were the highest consumer of nuts and seeds while Indians primarily relied on processed food and animal food. According to the pie charts, people of the world, as well as the China and India, ate processed food more than any other food item. People ate almost 41% processed food in the world in 2008. This percentage was higher in India than China. On an average, 29% vegetable and fruits were absorbed by the world population while this percentage was 32% in China and 23% in India. Foods from animals were the third largest consumed item and Indian ate more than the world average. Nuts and seeds consumed in India and China were much higher than the world average. It is worth noticing that Indian ate more animal foods than Chinese did while Chinese devoured more vegetables, fruits and seeds than Indians. On an average, Indian population consumed more animal foods and seeds items than the world population while Chinese people ate more vegetable and seeds than the rest of the world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Uncountable noun Original: food consumptions Suggested revision: food consumption Why it matters: "Consumption" is normally uncountable in this context.
- 2. Comparison wording Original: the world with that of China and India Suggested revision: the world with those of China and India Why it matters: Use a plural pronoun for the two country figures.
- 3. Comparison form Original: at the highest percentage than Suggested revision: at a higher percentage than Why it matters: Use "higher than" or "the highest proportion".
- 4. Agreement Original: the highest consumer Suggested revision: the highest consumers Why it matters: The subject is "Chinese citizens", which is plural.
- 5. Plural noun Original: Indian ate more Suggested revision: Indians ate more Why it matters: Use the plural noun for people from India.
- 6. Article error Original: the China and India Suggested revision: China and India Why it matters: Country names do not need "the" here.
- 7. Data wording Original: People ate almost 41% processed food Suggested revision: Processed food accounted for 41% of global consumption Why it matters: This is more precise for pie-chart data.
- 8. Fixed phrase Original: On an average Suggested revision: On average Why it matters: The standard phrase is "on average".
- 9. Wrong verb Original: absorbed Suggested revision: consumed Why it matters: People consume food; they do not usually "absorb" food categories in a chart report.
- 10. Category label Original: Foods from animals Suggested revision: Animal food Why it matters: Use the category label from the chart.
- 11. Too broad Original: much higher than the world average Suggested revision: higher than the world average in both countries, especially China Why it matters: China is 19%, India 11%, and the world average is 4%.
- 12. Tone Original: devoured Suggested revision: consumed Why it matters: "Devoured" is too informal and emotional for Task 1.
Suggested Rewrites
- food consumptions food consumption
- the world with that of China and India the world with those of China and India
- at the highest percentage than at a higher percentage than
- the highest consumer the highest consumers
- Indian ate more Indians ate more
- the China and India China and India
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response accurately reports most key proportions and makes useful comparisons among the world, China, and India. It could be more precise about nuts and seeds, where China is much higher than both India and the world average.
Add exact figures for each food group and avoid broad claims that combine India and China when their percentages differ notably.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear overview and a logical sequence by food type, though the response is one long paragraph after the introduction and becomes repetitive near the end.
Use separate paragraphs for the overview and detailed comparisons, and avoid repeating the same final comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate but sometimes unnatural, especially with "consumptions", "absorbed", and "devoured".
Use neutral Task 1 verbs such as consumed, accounted for, represented, and made up.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually clear, but there are recurring errors with plural nouns, articles, and nationality nouns.
Revise countable noun forms and use "Indians" or "the Indian population" consistently.