The bar charts below provide information about percentages of students who are proficient in a foreign language in different countries.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The bar chart presents the percentagesratio of male and female pupils in six countries who have a good command ofgood commands in a foreign language. It is obvious that a higher percentage of female learnersmore percentages of female learners are proficient in a second language than male learnersthan that of male pupils and the proportion of proficient studentssuch fluent students is higher in India and Romania. As the chart showsAs the diagram summarise, the percentagequotient of students versed in a foreign language was the highest in India, approximately 6768% female students and 56% male students with the ability to use a second language. Romania has approximately 65% femalewomen pupils and just over 40% male students who are proficientexpert in a different language. Interestingly, the rate of students with skill in a foreign language is higher among females than among malesthan that of males in all countries except in Thailand, whereexcept in Thailand where such male pupils’ ratio is 30%. Vietnam has a higher proportionmore ratio of second-language-knowing students than that of China, and Russia. The lowest percentages of such pupils reside in China where only about 17-30%around 20-30% disciples know a second dialect.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response identifies the dominant pattern—female proficiency is higher in every country except Thailand—and accurately highlights India and Romania as the leading countries. The main limitation is that coverage is selective and the otherwise clear comparisons are weakened by frequent lexical and grammatical problems such as 'quotient', 'women pupils', and 'more ratio'; prioritise precise percentage language and add a compact comparison covering Russia, Vietnam, Thailand, and China.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response provides an accurate overview, identifies India and Romania as the leaders, and notes Thailand's reversed gender pattern, but gives limited detail for several countries.
Add precise paired figures for Thailand, Russia, Vietnam, and China so all six countries are represented with balanced evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a recognisable introduction-overview-detail sequence, but the single paragraph and some unclear references weaken the organisation.
Separate the overview from the details and group the country comparisons by higher and lower proficiency levels.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad range of statistical vocabulary, but frequent choices such as 'quotient', 'women pupils', 'more ratio', and 'disciples' are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use a small set of precise terms consistently, including 'percentage', 'male and female students', 'proficient', and 'higher than'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparisons are attempted, but subject-verb agreement, comparative structures, and noun phrases contain frequent errors even though the main meaning remains clear.
Practise complete percentage comparisons such as '65% of female students, compared with just over 40% of male students' and check agreement in every sentence.