The bar charts below provide information about percentages of students who are proficient in a foreign language in different countries.
Sample Response
The bar chart presents the ratio of male and female pupils in six countries who have good commands in a foreign language. It is obvious that more percentages of female learners are proficient in a second language than that of male pupils and the proportion of such fluent students is higher in India and Romania. As the diagram summarise, the quotient of students versed in a foreign language was the highest in India, approximately 68% female students and 56% male students with the ability to use a second language. Romania has approximately 65% women pupils and just over 40% male students who are expert in a different language. Interestingly, the rate of students with skill in a foreign language is higher among females than that of males in all countries except in Thailand where such male pupils’ ratio is 30%. Vietnam has more ratio of second-language-knowing students than that of China, and Russia. The lowest percentages of such pupils reside in China where only around 20-30% disciples know a second dialect.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use percentage measure Original: ratio of male and female pupils Suggested revision: percentages of male and female pupils Why it matters: The chart reports separate percentages rather than a male-to-female ratio.
- 2. Fix command phrase Original: good commands in Suggested revision: a good command of Why it matters: The fixed expression requires a singular command followed by of.
- 3. Fix comparative noun Original: more percentages of female learners Suggested revision: a higher percentage of female learners Why it matters: A single proportion is compared, so higher percentage is the correct form.
- 4. Complete comparison clearly Original: than that of male pupils Suggested revision: than male learners Why it matters: This wording completes the comparison without a mismatched pronoun reference.
- 5. Match proficiency term Original: such fluent students Suggested revision: proficient students Why it matters: Proficient matches the measured skill more precisely than fluent in this context.
- 6. Fix agreement and wording Original: As the diagram summarise Suggested revision: As the chart shows Why it matters: The original verb does not agree with the singular subject and is unnatural here.
- 7. Use chart measure Original: quotient Suggested revision: percentage Why it matters: Quotient is a mathematical result, whereas the bars display percentages.
- 8. Correct India value Original: approximately 68% Suggested revision: approximately 67% Why it matters: The female bar for India is approximately 67%.
- 9. Use natural category label Original: women pupils Suggested revision: female pupils Why it matters: Female pupils is the standard label parallel to male students.
- 10. Use proficiency wording Original: who are expert in Suggested revision: who are proficient in Why it matters: This wording aligns directly with the category measured by the chart.
- 11. Fix comparison reference Original: than that of males Suggested revision: than among males Why it matters: The comparison is between rates among two groups, not between a rate and males.
- 12. Punctuate location clause Original: except in Thailand where Suggested revision: except in Thailand, where Why it matters: A comma separates the named exception from the following explanatory clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- ratio of male and female pupils percentages of male and female pupils
- good commands in a good command of
- more percentages of female learners a higher percentage of female learners
- than that of male pupils than male learners
- such fluent students proficient students
- As the diagram summarise As the chart shows
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response identifies the dominant pattern—female proficiency is higher in every country except Thailand—and accurately highlights India and Romania as the leading countries. The main limitation is that coverage is selective and the otherwise clear comparisons are weakened by frequent lexical and grammatical problems such as 'quotient', 'women pupils', and 'more ratio'; prioritise precise percentage language and add a compact comparison covering Russia, Vietnam, Thailand, and China.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response provides an accurate overview, identifies India and Romania as the leaders, and notes Thailand's reversed gender pattern, but gives limited detail for several countries.
Add precise paired figures for Thailand, Russia, Vietnam, and China so all six countries are represented with balanced evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a recognisable introduction-overview-detail sequence, but the single paragraph and some unclear references weaken the organisation.
Separate the overview from the details and group the country comparisons by higher and lower proficiency levels.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad range of statistical vocabulary, but frequent choices such as 'quotient', 'women pupils', 'more ratio', and 'disciples' are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use a small set of precise terms consistently, including 'percentage', 'male and female students', 'proficient', and 'higher than'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparisons are attempted, but subject-verb agreement, comparative structures, and noun phrases contain frequent errors even though the main meaning remains clear.
Practise complete percentage comparisons such as '65% of female students, compared with just over 40% of male students' and check agreement in every sentence.
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