The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video.
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The global sales of games software, DVD/video, and CDs from 2000 to 2003 are illustrated in the given bar graph.
It is evident that CDs remained the highest-selling items all over the world with a slight, gradual decreasewith slight gradual decreases; meanwhile, the sales of DVD/video and games software increasedthe sales of DVD/Video and games software have increased.
Although the market for gamesGames software and DVDs grew over a three-year period, globalGlobal sales of CDs fell steadily. It had strong initial salesa good starting sales in the first year, at about $35 billionup to $35 bn and reached its lowest around $32 bn in 2003. However, despite the declinedownfall, CDs had the highest sales compared to the other two.
In contrast, DVD/video sales rose steadilythe growth of the DVD market was stable throughout the years; its sales increasedits sales have increased by $10 billion and reached their peak in the year 2003 at around $30 bn. Moreover, games software had a similar upward trend to DVD/video salesa similar upward trend to the DVDs, but the growth rate was lower than it, from about 13 billion dollars in 2000 to just under 20 billion dollars three years later.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear overview, selects the main trends, and supports them with relevant start and end figures in a logical structure. Its main weakness is occasional imprecision in data and language, including the understated rise in DVD/video sales and several awkward collocations. Focus on checking numerical changes exactly and refining grammatical control in complex sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends and relative rankings are clearly identified and supported with relevant figures, although the stated ten-billion-dollar DVD/video increase is inaccurate.
Check calculated changes against the chart and include one or two intermediate-year comparisons to make the coverage more precise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organized with a clear overview and well-sequenced detail paragraphs, while cohesive devices generally support easy progression.
Reduce minor repetition of trend statements and make pronoun references fully explicit when comparing categories.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the task and usually precise, though phrases such as 'good starting sales' and 'downfall' are awkward or unsuitable.
Prefer neutral data-reporting collocations such as 'started at,' 'declined gradually,' and 'rose more slowly.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied simple and complex structures with generally clear meaning, but recurring article, agreement, and tense errors remain noticeable.
Maintain consistent past tense for the historical data and proofread noun phrases and subject-verb agreement carefully.