The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video.
Sample Response
The global sales of games software, DVD/video, and CDs from 2000 to 2003 are illustrated in the given bar graph.
It is evident that CDs remained the highest-selling items all over the world with slight gradual decreases; meanwhile, the sales of DVD/Video and games software have increased.
Although the market for Games software and DVDs grew over a three-year period, Global sales of CDs fell steadily. It had a good starting sales in the first year, up to $35 bn and reached its lowest around $32 bn in 2003. However, despite the downfall, CDs had the highest sales compared to the other two.
In contrast, the growth of the DVD market was stable throughout the years; its sales have increased by $10 billion and reached their peak in the year 2003 at around $30 bn. Moreover, games software had a similar upward trend to the DVDs, but the growth rate was lower than it, from about 13 billion dollars in 2000 to just under 20 billion dollars three years later.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix number agreement Original: with slight gradual decreases Suggested revision: with a slight, gradual decrease Why it matters: The overview describes one overall downward trend, so a singular countable noun needs an article.
- 2. Keep past tense Original: the sales of DVD/Video and games software have increased Suggested revision: the sales of DVD/video and games software increased Why it matters: The chart covers a completed period from 2000 to 2003, so the simple past is appropriate.
- 3. Use consistent case Original: Games Suggested revision: games Why it matters: The common noun games should not be capitalized mid-sentence.
- 4. Lowercase global Original: Global Suggested revision: global Why it matters: Global follows a comma within the same sentence and does not require a capital letter.
- 5. Fix noun phrase Original: a good starting sales Suggested revision: strong initial sales Why it matters: Sales is plural and does not work with the article a in this phrase.
- 6. State the starting value Original: up to $35 bn Suggested revision: at about $35 billion Why it matters: The first bar is approximately $35 billion, so at about reports the value more precisely than up to.
- 7. Use data vocabulary Original: downfall Suggested revision: decline Why it matters: Decline is the more precise neutral term for a gradual reduction in chart data.
- 8. Describe the trend Original: the growth of the DVD market was stable Suggested revision: DVD/video sales rose steadily Why it matters: The bars show a steady increase in sales rather than stable growth at one level.
- 9. Use simple past Original: its sales have increased Suggested revision: its sales increased Why it matters: The simple past matches the completed 2000-2003 reporting period.
- 10. Clarify the comparison Original: a similar upward trend to the DVDs Suggested revision: a similar upward trend to DVD/video sales Why it matters: The comparison is between sales trends, rather than between games software and physical DVDs.
Suggested Rewrites
- with slight gradual decreases with a slight, gradual decrease
- the sales of DVD/Video and games software have increased the sales of DVD/video and games software increased
- Games games
- Global global
- a good starting sales strong initial sales
- up to $35 bn at about $35 billion
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear overview, selects the main trends, and supports them with relevant start and end figures in a logical structure. Its main weakness is occasional imprecision in data and language, including the understated rise in DVD/video sales and several awkward collocations. Focus on checking numerical changes exactly and refining grammatical control in complex sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends and relative rankings are clearly identified and supported with relevant figures, although the stated ten-billion-dollar DVD/video increase is inaccurate.
Check calculated changes against the chart and include one or two intermediate-year comparisons to make the coverage more precise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organized with a clear overview and well-sequenced detail paragraphs, while cohesive devices generally support easy progression.
Reduce minor repetition of trend statements and make pronoun references fully explicit when comparing categories.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the task and usually precise, though phrases such as 'good starting sales' and 'downfall' are awkward or unsuitable.
Prefer neutral data-reporting collocations such as 'started at,' 'declined gradually,' and 'rose more slowly.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied simple and complex structures with generally clear meaning, but recurring article, agreement, and tense errors remain noticeable.
Maintain consistent past tense for the historical data and proofread noun phrases and subject-verb agreement carefully.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.