The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.
Sample Response
The bar graph illustrates how many mobile phones had been sold out in three different years (2009,2011 and 2013) by five brands, namely Samsung, Apple, Nokia, LG and ZTE, in the whole world.
Overall, Nokia company sales stood at the top, while ZTE cellphones sales were bottom. An increasing trend was observed in the case of Samsung, Apple and ZTE brand’s sales. Conversely, a decreasing trend existed in the number of Nokia and LG brands sold in the three different periods.
With regards to Nokia, in 2009, more than 400 million units were sold and then the figure experienced a slight decrease in 2011. After this point, there was a significant fall in sales to about 250 million units in 2013. Likewise, a decline was present in sales by LG company. However, the fall was not rapid.
In terms of sales by Samsung, the remarkable upward trend in sales was there over the period.while it started only with just over 200 million units in the first year, it reached a peak of around 450 million in 2013.
In the same way, Apple company sold very few units in the first year, and it rose gradually to the end.ZTE company sold fewer units in comparison to other brands sales. However, there was a growth over the period with the almost same number of units sold in 2011 and 2013.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct passive Original: had been sold out Suggested revision: were sold Why it matters: The chart reports completed sales figures, while sold out incorrectly means stock became unavailable.
- 2. State years directly Original: in three different years (2009,2011 and 2013) Suggested revision: in 2009, 2011 and 2013 Why it matters: Listing the years directly is clearer and removes unnecessary wording.
- 3. Use concise adverb Original: in the whole world Suggested revision: worldwide Why it matters: Worldwide is the natural concise expression for global sales.
- 4. Fix possessive form Original: Nokia company sales Suggested revision: Nokia's sales Why it matters: The possessive form is required to show that the sales belong to Nokia.
- 5. Fix possessive phrase Original: ZTE cellphones sales Suggested revision: ZTE's mobile phone sales Why it matters: The possessive form makes the relationship between the brand and its sales grammatical.
- 6. Use ranking phrase Original: were bottom Suggested revision: were the lowest Why it matters: The lowest is the correct expression for the smallest values on a chart.
- 7. Fix multiple possessives Original: Samsung, Apple and ZTE brand’s sales Suggested revision: Samsung's, Apple's and ZTE's sales Why it matters: Each brand needs its own possessive form in this coordinated phrase.
- 8. Describe phone sales Original: the number of Nokia and LG brands sold Suggested revision: sales of Nokia and LG phones Why it matters: Brands themselves are not sold; the chart records sales of their phones.
- 9. Fix set phrase Original: regards Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: The standard expression is with regard to, without a final s.
- 10. Use direct trend verb Original: experienced a slight decrease Suggested revision: decreased slightly Why it matters: A direct verb describes the change more concisely.
- 11. Use direct phrasing Original: a decline was present in sales Suggested revision: sales declined Why it matters: The direct verb avoids the awkward construction a decline was present.
- 12. Fix awkward trend phrase Original: the remarkable upward trend in sales was there Suggested revision: sales showed a remarkable upward trend Why it matters: The revision uses a natural subject-verb structure for describing the trend.
Suggested Rewrites
- had been sold out were sold
- in three different years (2009,2011 and 2013) in 2009, 2011 and 2013
- in the whole world worldwide
- Nokia company sales Nokia's sales
- ZTE cellphones sales ZTE's mobile phone sales
- were bottom were the lowest
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the direction of change for all five brands and gives reasonably accurate detail for Nokia and Samsung. Its main limitation is incomplete and sometimes misleading selection: the overview implies Nokia remained highest, while Samsung became the leading brand in 2013, and Apple, LG, and ZTE receive little numerical support. The priority is to state the leadership change accurately and add selective figures for the less-developed series.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends are identified and Nokia and Samsung are developed with suitable figures, but the overview misses Samsung's overtaking of Nokia and several brands lack adequate numerical detail.
Highlight the change in market leader and support Apple, LG, and ZTE with selected start and end values.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses clearly from overview to brand-specific details, though the short separate sections and faulty sentence boundaries sometimes interrupt the flow.
Group rising and falling brands into two balanced detail paragraphs and ensure each new sentence begins cleanly.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough vocabulary to describe trends, but awkward collocations such as 'sold out,' 'sales were bottom,' and 'the upward trend was there' recur.
Use precise chart language such as 'units sold,' 'recorded the lowest sales,' and 'rose sharply.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Several complex structures are attempted successfully, but recurring article, agreement, possessive, capitalization, and punctuation errors weaken accuracy.
Edit sentence boundaries and noun phrases carefully, especially company names, possessives, articles, and subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.