The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates the unemployment rate among male and female graduatesthe male and female graduates aged 20 to 24who are in the age range of 20 to 24 in one European countryin Europe in the years 2008 and 2009. In general, it is apparent that male graduates had a higher unemployment rate than female graduatesfemale graduates over the time frame.
First and foremost, from January to April 2008, both figures fella decreasing trend was detected for both men and women. The proportion of unemployed male graduates was 10%There was 10% of male graduates who were unemployed in January 2008 and fell to about 7% in April and July, whiledropped slightly to about 7.5% in April and remained constant until July 2008 compared to about 7.5% and just above 5% in January 2008 and April 2008 respectively for women. The figures were similar, but men remained slightly higherThere were the same percentages of unemployment for both male and female in April and July 2008. From October 2008 to July 2009, both rates generally declinedA similar trend can be seen in the percentage of unemployed graduates starting from October 2008 to July 2009. The male graduates’ unemployment rate was just over 15% in October 2008 and declineddecline moderately to approximately 12% in January 2009, and reached just over 10% in July 2009.
Interestingly, the unemployment rate for female graduates decreasedunemployed female graduate decreases from October 2008 to April 2009 continuouslycontinually before a rise by July 2009dramatic increase in July 2009. A sharp rise in the unemployment rate for both genders can be observed after July 2009 and eventually peaked at around 23% for men and just under 15% for femalesfemale in October 2009.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The report provides a clear overall comparison, correctly recognising that unemployment was higher among men and identifying the final peak for both groups. However, inaccurate comparisons—particularly the claim of equal rates in April and July 2008—reduce precision, while long sentences obscure some changes; prioritise checking every figure against the chart and grouping shorter, accurate comparisons by time period.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response covers the main trend that male unemployment was generally higher and identifies the final peak, but some comparisons are inaccurate, especially the claim that male and female percentages were the same in April and July 2008.
Give a sharper overview: both genders dipped early, rose sharply in October 2008, varied through 2009, and peaked in October 2009, with men consistently above women.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report is organised into an introduction, overview and detail paragraphs, though some long sentences carry several dates and comparisons at once.
Group the details by time period and use shorter comparison sentences so the reader can follow each change clearly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for trends, but there are awkward choices such as “detected” and repeated “percentage of unemployed graduates”.
Use natural Task 1 verbs such as fell, remained stable, rose, peaked, and avoid overly technical verbs where a simple trend verb is clearer.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but there are repeated subject-verb and noun-form errors that reduce control.
Check agreement after singular nouns and keep verb tense consistent when describing past data.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.