The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.
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Sample Response
The pie charts demonstrate the percentage of females and males participated in manual and non- manual occupations in Great Britain in the year 1992.Overall, it can be seen that more men worked in manual occupationsmore males occupied manual vacancies, while non-manual jobs were more common among womenjobs appealed more to females.
WithIn regard to manual jobs, more males than females were employed in these occupations, at 52% and 31%, respectivelythese occupations, at 52% and 31% respectively. Almost equal proportion of males joined craft or similar occupation and other manual jobs, at around 24% and 26%. For women the pattern was slightly different, since the vast majority of them joined other manual jobs at 27%, while a minority was attracted to craft or similar and general labourers at 3% and 1% respectively. Around 2% of males were employed asare engaged as general labourers.
On the other hand, non- manual occupations were more popular among women, at 69%, compared with 48%at 69% in contrast to 48% among their male counterpartstheir males counterpart. However, it is interesting to note that more males worked inwere positioned in managerial and professional occupationsvacancies than women, at 36%than women, 36% and 29% respectively. Nevertheless, the proportion of females in clerical or related occupations was substantially higher than that of menexceeded that of men tremendously, at 31% and 6%, respectivelyat 31% and 6%. Relatively similar proportions of men and womenAlmost equal proportion of males and females occupied other non-manual occupations at 6% and 9% respectively.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its comprehensive selection of figures, with a clear overview and accurate comparisons across almost every occupational category. Its main limitation is recurring awkwardness in grammar and word choice, while descriptions such as “the vast majority” for 27% slightly distort the data. Prioritise precise comparative language and systematic control of articles, agreement, and sentence structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response provides a clear overview and covers nearly all categories with generally accurate figures and useful gender comparisons.
Use proportion labels more precisely, especially where 27% is described as a vast majority and 6% and 9% as almost equal.
Coherence and Cohesion
The manual and non-manual groupings create a logical progression, and cohesive devices guide the reader clearly through the comparisons.
Make references such as “them” and “the pattern” more explicit so every comparison connects immediately to the relevant group.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a varied comparison vocabulary, although several collocations such as “occupied manual vacancies” and “positioned in vacancies” are unnatural.
Prefer precise chart language such as “worked in manual occupations” and “held managerial or professional jobs.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of simple and complex structures communicates the data clearly, but agreement, article, and clause-form errors recur.
Check noun phrases and agreement carefully, particularly forms such as “an almost equal proportion” and “their male counterparts.”