The following diagram shows how greenhouse gases trap energy from the Sun.
Sample Response
The diagram illustrates the way in which greenhouse gases are produced and further how these gases trap heat from the sun.
One of the most common way gases are released into the earth’s atmosphere is by means of transport. The engine of a car, plane, motorised boat or other vehicles release toxic substances. The pollutants also meet with extra carbon dioxide, evacuated from power plants or factories which burn fossil fuels, forming a clutter of man-made pollutants. The process is fastened also by the marring deforestation, which logs trees that could have absorbed the man-produced carbon dioxide.
The second stage takes place in the atmosphere, where a part of the energy received from the sun should be reflected back to the outer space. Instead, the greenhouse gases trap the heat, warming up the environment.
Overall, it is easy to notice that pollution itself is a complex process, with roots in the mankind actions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove faulty linker Original: are produced and further how Suggested revision: are produced and how Why it matters: The added linker is ungrammatical in this coordinated structure.
- 2. Use diagram terminology Original: heat from the sun Suggested revision: heat energy from the Sun Why it matters: This wording matches the process label in the diagram more precisely.
- 3. Use plural noun Original: One of the most common way Suggested revision: One of the most common ways Why it matters: The structure 'one of the' requires a plural count noun.
- 4. Name the emission source Original: by means of transport Suggested revision: through transport emissions Why it matters: This is a more direct description of the transport source shown.
- 5. Identify carbon dioxide Original: release toxic substances Suggested revision: releases carbon dioxide Why it matters: The visual specifically identifies extra carbon dioxide from burning fossil fuels.
- 6. Use clear reference Original: The pollutants Suggested revision: These emissions Why it matters: This reference connects more clearly to the gases released by transport.
- 7. Use precise verb Original: meet with Suggested revision: combine with Why it matters: 'Combine with' expresses the intended relationship naturally.
- 8. Use formal wording Original: extra carbon dioxide Suggested revision: additional carbon dioxide Why it matters: 'Additional' is more suitable for a formal process description.
- 9. Correct emission verb Original: evacuated from Suggested revision: emitted by Why it matters: Factories emit carbon dioxide; they do not evacuate it.
- 10. Correct collocation Original: forming a clutter of Suggested revision: forming a mixture of Why it matters: 'A mixture of pollutants' is the appropriate collocation here.
- 11. Clarify intensification Original: The process is fastened also by Suggested revision: This effect is also intensified by Why it matters: 'Fastened' does not mean that an environmental effect becomes stronger.
- 12. Remove awkward modifier Original: the marring deforestation Suggested revision: deforestation Why it matters: The modifier is unnatural and unnecessary before 'deforestation'.
Suggested Rewrites
- are produced and further how are produced and how
- heat from the sun heat energy from the Sun
- One of the most common way One of the most common ways
- by means of transport through transport emissions
- release toxic substances releases carbon dioxide
- The pollutants These emissions
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response explains the basic relationship between emissions, deforestation and heat trapped by greenhouse gases, and its broad progression is easy to follow. However, it adds unsupported transport sources, gives a vague overview and sometimes misrepresents the diagram's causal sequence. The highest-priority improvement is to state a clear process overview and describe only the depicted sources and heat-flow stages with precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response addresses the main causes and heat-trapping effect, but the overview is vague and several details are unsupported or inaccurately related.
Summarise the complete cycle clearly and restrict the details to the depicted vehicles, factory emissions, deforestation, reflected energy and trapped heat.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a broadly logical sequence from greenhouse-gas sources to their atmospheric effect, with clear paragraphing and generally effective links.
Place a precise overview before the detail paragraphs and make the transition from emissions to the movement of solar energy more explicit.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss emissions and heat transfer, but several ambitious choices such as evacuated, clutter and fastened are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use precise process vocabulary such as emitted, released, absorbed, reflected and trapped instead of forcing less suitable synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the process, though agreement, article and noun-form errors recur across the response.
Check subject-verb agreement and noun phrases, especially forms such as one of the most common ways, engines release and human actions.