The graph below shows how prices of “high-tech gadgets” changed over time in Somecountry.
Sample Response
Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown.
Write at least 150 words
The line graph outlines the selling price of two advanced products, namely navigation systems and smart phones, in Somecountry between the last six months of 2004 and the last six months of 2006. It can be clearly seen that there was a considerable decrease seen in the pricing of navigation systems compared to mobile phones.
In July-December of 2004, the overall price of navigation device was higher than smart phones. The former started at nearly $4,000 USD while the latter was sold at around $3,100 USD. In the next six months, both items were priced at a lower value slipping to $3,300 and $2,800 USD (navigation systems and phones respectively). The pricing for navigation systems continued to drop to $3,100 USD in the following 6 months. Conversely, mobile phone prices went up marginally by around $100 USD. In the first half of 2006, the pricing trend changed for both products as navigation devices saw a rise to $3,400 USD while phones dipped to $2,700 USD. By the end of the year 2006, both items were sold at exactly the same price of $2,700 USD.
To sum up, it is evident that over the course of 2 years high tech gadgets declined in price and the more expensive product suffered a more significant price drop.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural prices Original: selling price of two advanced products Suggested revision: selling prices of two high-tech products Why it matters: Two products have separate prices, so the plural form is more precise.
- 2. Clarify the comparison Original: there was a considerable decrease seen in the pricing of navigation systems compared to mobile phones Suggested revision: navigation-system prices fell considerably more than smartphone prices Why it matters: The revision removes redundancy and compares the two price trends directly.
- 3. Correct time phrase Original: In July-December of 2004 Suggested revision: From July to December 2004 Why it matters: Use from...to for a period bounded by two months.
- 4. Add the article Original: the overall price of navigation device Suggested revision: the price of a navigation device Why it matters: A singular countable noun requires an article here.
- 5. Compare like with like Original: higher than smart phones Suggested revision: higher than that of smartphones Why it matters: The price must be compared with another price rather than with the phones themselves.
- 6. Use concise trend language Original: both items were priced at a lower value slipping to Suggested revision: both products fell in price to Why it matters: This wording describes the downward movement more naturally and concisely.
- 7. Use price directly Original: The pricing for navigation systems Suggested revision: The price of navigation systems Why it matters: Price is the natural noun for the amount charged at a given point.
- 8. Simplify the date phrase Original: By the end of the year 2006 Suggested revision: By the end of 2006 Why it matters: The shorter form is the standard expression for this endpoint.
- 9. Punctuate the time phrase Original: 2 years high tech gadgets Suggested revision: two years, high-tech gadgets Why it matters: A comma separates the introductory time phrase, and high-tech is hyphenated before a noun.
- 10. Use concise product names Original: namely navigation systems and smart phones Suggested revision: navigation systems and smartphones Why it matters: Namely is unnecessary, and smartphone is conventionally written as one word.
- 11. Use standard half-year terms Original: between the last six months of 2004 and the last six months of 2006 Suggested revision: from the second half of 2004 to the second half of 2006 Why it matters: Second half expresses each six-month period more naturally and precisely.
- 12. Correct the navigation value Original: $3,300 and $2,800 USD (navigation systems and phones respectively) Suggested revision: about US$3,200 and US$2,800 for navigation systems and smartphones, respectively Why it matters: The chart places the navigation-system price at about 3,200 rather than 3,300 in early 2005.
Suggested Rewrites
- selling price of two advanced products selling prices of two high-tech products
- there was a considerable decrease seen in the pricing of navigation systems compared to mobile phones navigation-system prices fell considerably more than smartphone prices
- In July-December of 2004 From July to December 2004
- the overall price of navigation device the price of a navigation device
- higher than smart phones higher than that of smartphones
- both items were priced at a lower value slipping to both products fell in price to
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear overview and orderly account of how both product prices changed across the period. Its main limitation is a significant final-data error: the products did not finish at exactly the same price, while several language choices are awkward. The highest-priority improvement is to verify every plotted value and comparison, especially the endpoints, before writing the summary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report identifies the main downward trends and accurately describes most stages, but it incorrectly states that both products ended at the same price.
Check the final plotted values carefully and report that the smartphone price remained slightly above the navigation-system price.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from the opening period through each subsequent interval, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Integrate the concluding overview earlier and reduce repetitive sequencing phrases to make the progression more streamlined.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied for describing prices and movement, although repeated use of pricing and some awkward collocations reduce precision.
Use more natural combinations such as prices fell, rose, or remained higher, and reserve pricing for broader pricing policies or strategies.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is used with generally good control, though article use and some comparison structures are occasionally inaccurate or awkward.
Revise comparisons so like is compared with like, for example the price of one product with the price of the other.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows how prices of “high-tech gadgets” changed over time in Somecountry.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.