The line graph shows the historical oil prices per barrel from 1973 to January 2009.
Sample Response
The line graph illustrates changes in oil price between the year 1973 and the first month of 2009. Data is collected by inflationdata.com and the Department of Revenue of Alaska. Overall, oil price per barrel ranged from as low as 5 dollars in the early years to as high as 145 dollars in recent years. Additionally, it did not go beyond 40 dollars before 2006. Per barrel of oil was sold at 5 dollars in 1973, which was the lowest price compared with the years afterwards. It took 8 years for the price to increase to approximately 40 dollars, before becoming nearly 20 USD in 1986. From there, oil price fluctuated around 20 dollars a barrel until it dropped to 10 dollars in 1998. However, the price increased 3-fold by the end of the 20th century and furtherly surged to nearly 40 dollars per barrel in 2005. The most noticeable changes took place in the remaining years, as the price reached the zenith of over 140 dollars in 2007. But as of January 2009, after continuous decreases, the figure stood at about 42 dollars a barrel.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Concise time phrase Original: between the year 1973 Suggested revision: between 1973 Why it matters: The word "year" is unnecessary here.
- 2. Tense choice Original: Data is collected Suggested revision: The data was collected Why it matters: Use past tense because the source is being reported.
- 3. Article use Original: oil price per barrel Suggested revision: the price of oil per barrel Why it matters: This phrasing is more natural.
- 4. Approximate data Original: as high as 145 dollars Suggested revision: as high as about 145 dollars Why it matters: Use "about" for values read from a graph.
- 5. Sentence opening Original: Per barrel of oil was sold Suggested revision: A barrel of oil was sold Why it matters: The original phrase is not a grammatical subject.
- 6. Natural comparison Original: compared with the years afterwards Suggested revision: compared with later years Why it matters: This is more concise and natural.
- 7. Clearer reference Original: From there Suggested revision: After that Why it matters: "From there" is less precise in a time-series report.
- 8. Article use Original: oil price fluctuated Suggested revision: the oil price fluctuated Why it matters: Add the article before the singular noun phrase.
- 9. Formal style Original: increased 3-fold Suggested revision: tripled Why it matters: "Tripled" is concise and formal.
- 10. Incorrect word Original: furtherly Suggested revision: then Why it matters: "Furtherly" is not standard English.
- 11. Check timing Original: in 2005 Suggested revision: by around 2005 Why it matters: Use approximate timing when reading from the graph.
- 12. Incorrect peak year Original: in 2007 Suggested revision: in 2008 Why it matters: The graph shows the highest point around 2008.
Suggested Rewrites
- between the year 1973 between 1973
- Data is collected The data was collected
- oil price per barrel the price of oil per barrel
- as high as 145 dollars as high as about 145 dollars
- Per barrel of oil was sold A barrel of oil was sold
- compared with the years afterwards compared with later years
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report gives a clear overview of the low early prices, long period below 40 dollars, dramatic late rise, peak, and fall by January 2009. One key date is inaccurate because the peak appears in 2008, not 2007.
Correct the timing of the peak and include a clearer contrast between the pre-2000 stability and the rapid rise after 2003.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced and easy to follow, though it is presented in one paragraph and could separate overview from details.
Use two paragraphs after the introduction: one overview and one chronological detail paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally effective, with some less natural choices such as "zenith" and "furtherly".
Use precise but standard graph language such as "peak", "rose sharply", and "fell back".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a good range of structures, but errors with articles, sentence openings, and word forms remain.
Edit awkward clauses and avoid starting a sentence with an incomplete phrase like "Per barrel of oil".