The diagram below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, Between 2000 and 2009.
Sample Response
The bar chart compares the construction of new houses in two cities - Derby and Nottingham, from 2000 to 2009. Generally speaking, the number of new homes in these two cities increased steadily through the years and inhabitants of Derby end up building more abodes in the final year despite a considerable gap in the previous year. As the data suggest, around 95 residences were built in these two cities in 2000 and 50 of them were established in Nottingham. In 2002, roughly 70 further houses came into existence in Derby which was considerably higher than the development of new abodes in Nottingham. This trend continued until 2005. Next year, almost no new houses were built in Nottingham but Derby witnessed the creation of almost 110 new homes. In 2007, a reverse case was obvious when around 190 brand new buildings were made in Nottingham compared to just over 100 in Derby. Building new homes in 2008 showed another anomaly when an ignorable number of new homes were developed in Nottingham against nearly 280 brand new houses in Derby. In the final year, 250 new dwellings were added to Nottingham city while almost 350 were developed for Derby residents.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Punctuate inserted names Original: two cities - Derby and Nottingham, from 2000 to 2009 Suggested revision: two cities—Derby and Nottingham—from 2000 to 2009 Why it matters: Paired dashes clearly mark the city names as an inserted clarification.
- 2. Correct overall trend Original: increased steadily through the years Suggested revision: rose overall but fluctuated Why it matters: The totals increased overall, but Nottingham's annual figures fluctuated sharply rather than rising steadily.
- 3. Use accurate reporting Original: inhabitants of Derby end up building Suggested revision: Derby ended up recording Why it matters: The chart reports city totals and the past-tense verb must agree with the completed period.
- 4. Use chart terminology Original: abodes Suggested revision: houses Why it matters: 'Houses' is the precise and neutral term used by the chart.
- 5. Correct contrast logic Original: despite a considerable gap in the previous year Suggested revision: after also leading by a wide margin in the previous year Why it matters: Derby was already far ahead in 2008, so 'despite' states the relationship incorrectly.
- 6. Data take plural verb Original: As the data suggest Suggested revision: As the data show Why it matters: In formal academic usage, plural 'data' takes a plural verb.
- 7. Correct combined total Original: around 95 residences Suggested revision: about 90 houses Why it matters: The 2000 bars show about 40 houses in Derby and 50 in Nottingham, totalling roughly 90.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: were established Suggested revision: were built Why it matters: Houses are normally described as being built, not established.
- 9. Correct Derby figure Original: roughly 70 further houses Suggested revision: about 80 houses Why it matters: Derby's 2002 bar is approximately 80, and 'further' wrongly implies an addition to a previous total.
- 10. Use concise process verb Original: came into existence Suggested revision: were built Why it matters: The simple chart-reporting verb is clearer and more precise.
- 11. Make direct comparison Original: which was considerably higher than the development of new abodes in Nottingham Suggested revision: which was four times Nottingham's figure Why it matters: The chart shows about 80 houses in Derby versus 20 in Nottingham in 2002.
- 12. Describe actual pattern Original: This trend continued until 2005 Suggested revision: Derby's figure rose to 120 in 2003 and then remained level through 2005 Why it matters: Derby plateaued while Nottingham fluctuated, so a single continuing trend is inaccurate.
Suggested Rewrites
- two cities - Derby and Nottingham, from 2000 to 2009 two cities—Derby and Nottingham—from 2000 to 2009
- increased steadily through the years rose overall but fluctuated
- inhabitants of Derby end up building Derby ended up recording
- abodes houses
- despite a considerable gap in the previous year after also leading by a wide margin in the previous year
- As the data suggest As the data show
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response follows the period chronologically and selects several important contrasts, especially the sharp changes from 2006 onward. However, its claim that both cities rose steadily is inaccurate for Nottingham, and the middle years are compressed so heavily that an important fluctuating pattern is lost. Replace the misleading overview with the distinct overall trajectories, then support it with clearer grouping of the early and late periods.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
Several key figures and reversals are reported accurately, but the overview misrepresents Nottingham as rising steadily and coverage of 2001 to 2005 is limited.
Summarise Derby's plateau followed by a surge and Nottingham's pronounced fluctuations, then include representative figures from the underdeveloped middle years.
Coherence and Cohesion
Chronological sequencing and time references make the report easy to follow, though presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens the organisation of its comparisons.
Separate the overview and divide the details into 2000 to 2005 and 2006 to 2009 paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of vocabulary for quantities and buildings, but several ambitious synonyms and collocations sound unnatural or imprecise.
Prefer precise forms such as houses were built and a negligible number rather than came into existence, were made, or an ignorable number.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentence forms is generally controlled, with only occasional tense, punctuation, and phrasing errors that do not impede meaning.
Maintain consistent past-tense reporting and use commas more carefully around subordinate and relative clauses.