The chart below shows information about the challenges people face when they go to live in other countries.
Sample Response
The supplied graph represents data on the challenges people face when they start living in a different country and compares this data based on different age groups. As is presented in the graph, younger people struggle to make new friends while the aged people face difficulty to learn the local language in a new country. As is given in the graph, people from 18-34 years old find it most difficult to make new friends when they start living in a new country. The second most challenging issue they face is the issue of finding a living place. Learning the local language is another problem they face but this is least among the people of this age group. Secondly, among the 35-54 age group, people who go to live in a different country find it most difficult to find places to live. About 36% of people find it difficult to find places to live in while about 35-36% of people find it difficult to learn the local language and to make friends there. Finally, the aged people who are over 55 years old, find it most difficult to learn the language than any other age group. Approximately 54% of aged people face this challenge when they start living in a new country. Among this age group, 22% of people face the living place issue while 23% find it hard to make new friends. In summary, aged people can make friends more easily than the young age group when they start living in a new country while young population finds it easier to learn the loan language than the aged people in a new country.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name chart precisely Original: supplied graph Suggested revision: bar chart Why it matters: The visual presents stacked bars for three age groups.
- 2. Fix comparison phrase Original: compares this data based on different age groups Suggested revision: compares these challenges across different age groups Why it matters: “These challenges” agrees in number and “across” expresses the grouping clearly.
- 3. Fix age and verb Original: the aged people face difficulty to learn Suggested revision: people over 55 have difficulty learning Why it matters: This uses a natural age label and the correct “difficulty learning” pattern.
- 4. Use age range form Original: people from 18-34 years old Suggested revision: people aged 18–34 Why it matters: “Aged 18–34” is the correct concise form for an age group.
- 5. Remove repetition Original: The second most challenging issue they face is the issue of Suggested revision: Their second greatest challenge is Why it matters: This replacement avoids repeating “issue” and expresses the ranking directly.
- 6. Use natural phrase Original: finding a living place Suggested revision: finding somewhere to live Why it matters: This is the natural English expression for accommodation difficulty.
- 7. Fix superlative phrase Original: this is least among the people of this age group Suggested revision: this is the least common challenge for this age group Why it matters: The revised phrase states the lowest category grammatically and clearly.
- 8. Use age transition Original: Secondly Suggested revision: Turning to Why it matters: No matching “Firstly” appears, so an age-group transition is clearer.
- 9. Fix group reference Original: among the 35-54 age group Suggested revision: among people aged 35–54 Why it matters: People are within an age group rather than “among the age group.”
- 10. Fix subject and comma Original: the aged people who are over 55 years old, find Suggested revision: people aged over 55 find Why it matters: This removes the unnecessary comma and uses a natural age label.
- 11. Fix comparative form Original: most difficult to learn the language than any other age group Suggested revision: more difficulty learning the language than any other age group Why it matters: A comparison with “than” requires “more,” not “most.”
- 12. Use neutral age term Original: Approximately 54% of aged people Suggested revision: Approximately 54% of people over 55 Why it matters: “People over 55” is clearer and more natural than “aged people.”
Suggested Rewrites
- supplied graph bar chart
- compares this data based on different age groups compares these challenges across different age groups
- the aged people face difficulty to learn people over 55 have difficulty learning
- people from 18-34 years old people aged 18–34
- The second most challenging issue they face is the issue of Their second greatest challenge is
- finding a living place finding somewhere to live
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its broad coverage: it identifies the principal challenge for each age group and accurately reports nearly all key percentages. The main limitation is presentation, as the entire report forms one long paragraph and repeats several phrases, while the 35–54 accommodation figure is understated. Prioritise a concise overview followed by separate age-group comparisons, with every percentage checked directly against the chart.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main age-group contrasts and most figures are accurately reported, although accommodation for the 35–54 group is about 39%, not 36%.
Retain the clear overview but verify each percentage and compare the sharp rise in language difficulty with the decline in friendship difficulty across age groups.
Coherence and Cohesion
The age-by-age sequence is logical and signposting is clear, but the single long paragraph and repeated framing reduce cohesion and readability.
Separate the introduction and overview from distinct detail paragraphs, grouping the youngest and middle groups before contrasting them with those over 55.
Lexical Resource
The response has sufficient vocabulary for describing challenges and comparisons, but repetition and awkward choices such as “aged people,” “living place,” and “loan language” weaken precision.
Use precise alternatives such as older people, finding accommodation, and learning the local language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied clauses and generally communicates clearly, but errors in comparison structures, articles, prepositions, and punctuation recur.
Revise structures such as “people aged 18–34,” “difficulty learning,” and “more difficult than,” and avoid unnecessary commas between subjects and verbs.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows information about the challenges people face when they go to live in other countries.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.