The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015.
Sample Response
The line graph shows how many people visited four museums in different countries in the world between 1980 and 2015.
All in all, the Louvre Museum was the most popular, with between approximately 8 and 9 million visitors each year. The least popular were the Shenzhen and the London Science Museum, with no more than 4 million visitors each year.
The number of visitors to the London Science Museum decreased slowly from just over 4 million in 1980 to around 2 million in 2015. By contrast, the visitors to the Vatican Museum increased from just under 5 million in 1980 to around 9 million in 2015.
In addition, the number of visitors to the Shenzhen Museum stayed about the same over the thirty-five-year period. They fell from just under 4 million in 1980 to just over 3 million in 2000 and then rose to just under 4 million again in 2015.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Reduce wordiness Original: in different countries in the world Suggested revision: around the world Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same geographical scope more naturally.
- 2. Use formal overview marker Original: All in all Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: Overall is a more conventional signpost for the summary of a Task 1 report.
- 3. Correct Louvre range Original: with between approximately 8 and 9 million visitors each year Suggested revision: with roughly 7.8–9.5 million visitors over the period Why it matters: The Louvre begins just below 8 million and reaches about 9.5 million in 2015.
- 4. Complete museum name Original: the Shenzhen and the London Science Museum Suggested revision: the Shenzhen Museum and the London Science Museum Why it matters: The first coordinated name is incomplete without Museum.
- 5. Correct lower range Original: with no more than 4 million visitors each year Suggested revision: with roughly 2 to just over 4 million visitors each year Why it matters: The London Science Museum starts slightly above 4 million and later falls to just over 2 million.
- 6. Use number phrase Original: the visitors to the Vatican Museum Suggested revision: the number of visitors to the Vatican Museums Why it matters: A numerical trend needs number of visitors, and the chart labels the institution Vatican Museums.
- 7. Fix pronoun agreement Original: They Suggested revision: It Why it matters: The pronoun refers to the singular noun phrase the number of visitors.
- 8. Use precise comparison Original: The least popular were Suggested revision: The two least visited were Why it matters: Least visited is the more precise expression for museum attendance.
- 9. Describe trend naturally Original: decreased slowly Suggested revision: declined gradually Why it matters: Declined gradually is a more natural collocation for a sustained downward trend.
- 10. Refine final figure Original: around 2 million in 2015 Suggested revision: just over 2 million in 2015 Why it matters: The plotted 2015 value is slightly above 2 million.
- 11. Vary trend verb Original: increased Suggested revision: rose Why it matters: Rose is a concise verb for the upward movement shown.
- 12. Refine Vatican figure Original: around 9 million in 2015 Suggested revision: just over 9 million in 2015 Why it matters: The final Vatican Museums value is slightly above 9 million.
Suggested Rewrites
- in different countries in the world around the world
- All in all Overall
- with between approximately 8 and 9 million visitors each year with roughly 7.8–9.5 million visitors over the period
- the Shenzhen and the London Science Museum the Shenzhen Museum and the London Science Museum
- with no more than 4 million visitors each year with roughly 2 to just over 4 million visitors each year
- the visitors to the Vatican Museum the number of visitors to the Vatican Museums
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear, well-organised account of the principal trends, with accurate start-to-end figures for the Vatican, London Science, and Shenzhen museums. Its main limitation is the thin treatment of the Louvre: the overview compresses its fluctuating figures into an overly narrow range and the body provides no supporting detail. Add a concise comparison of the Louvre's rise, dip, and final peak to make coverage more complete.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview identifies the broad ranking and the response accurately describes three museums, but the Louvre's important fluctuations and final peak are insufficiently covered.
Add the Louvre's rise to about nine million, its dip around 2000, and its peak near 9.5 million in 2015.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is arranged in a clear sequence with focused paragraphs and effective contrasts between upward, downward, and stable trends.
Integrate a Louvre detail paragraph so that the overview's main claim is fully supported in the body.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary for trends, quantities, and comparisons is accurate and appropriately varied, with only minor repetition and occasional awkward phrasing.
Vary repeated references to visitor numbers and use more precise language for the Louvre's fluctuation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with strong control, and the few awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Refine article use and parallel wording in phrases such as 'the Shenzhen and the London Science Museum.'
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.