The graph below shows a survey result of 4000 participants who expressed what important aspects they have learned from the internship they have completed.
Sample Response
The pie chart gives data on the most important aspects that candidates have learned from their internship, according to a survey which considered 4000 candidates opinion. Generally speaking, practical knowledge, skill development, understanding industry, work environment and planning for the future career are the most important perspectives those candidates have learned. Getting back to details, 15% candidates expressed their opinion that the most significant lesson they have learned from their internship experience was practical knowledge while 7% thought real work experience was the most necessary lesson for them. The second highest ratio of these candidates opined that they have developed their communication skills and this was the best knowledge they have gained from the internship. One out of ten thought that understanding industry was the most beneficial thing they learned. Moreover, time management, work operation and planning for future career each was picked by 7% internship students as their most valuable knowledge from their internship activity. Comparative a small ratio of those candidates picked teamwork and work environment, 3% and 4% respectively, to be their greatest lesson. Just over one fourth of those four thousand survey participants expressed other aspects that they learned to be most important.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix possessive structure Original: 4000 candidates opinion Suggested revision: the opinions of 4,000 candidates Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a possessive marker and uses an awkward noun structure.
- 2. Use accurate noun Original: perspectives those candidates have learned Suggested revision: aspects that those candidates learned Why it matters: People learn aspects or lessons, while perspectives does not fit this meaning.
- 3. Add percentage preposition Original: 15% candidates Suggested revision: 15% of candidates Why it matters: A percentage referring to a group requires of before the noun.
- 4. Match chart wording Original: necessary Suggested revision: important Why it matters: Important accurately reflects the survey question, whereas necessary changes the meaning.
- 5. Clarify group comparison Original: The second highest ratio of these candidates opined Suggested revision: The second-largest group of candidates reported Why it matters: A group, rather than a ratio, holds and reports an opinion.
- 6. Name the skill accurately Original: best knowledge Suggested revision: most important skill Why it matters: Communication is presented as a skill, so knowledge is the wrong category.
- 7. Match plural subject Original: each was picked Suggested revision: were each selected Why it matters: The compound plural subject requires a plural verb.
- 8. Fix comparative form Original: Comparative a small ratio Suggested revision: Comparatively small proportions Why it matters: The adverb comparatively and a plural noun are needed to describe the two categories.
- 9. Use participant wording Original: aspects that candidates have learned Suggested revision: aspects that participants learned Why it matters: Participants is consistent with the survey population named in the task.
- 10. Use concise overview marker Original: Generally speaking Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: Overall signals the main visual summary more directly and concisely.
- 11. Use chart category Original: skill development Suggested revision: communication skills Why it matters: The chart labels the 14% category communication skills rather than the broader phrase skill development.
- 12. Simplify category wording Original: planning for the future career Suggested revision: future career planning Why it matters: This concise noun phrase expresses the category naturally without the unnecessary article.
Suggested Rewrites
- 4000 candidates opinion the opinions of 4,000 candidates
- perspectives those candidates have learned aspects that those candidates learned
- 15% candidates 15% of candidates
- necessary important
- The second highest ratio of these candidates opined The second-largest group of candidates reported
- best knowledge most important skill
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response reports nearly every category with accurate percentages and communicates the detailed comparisons clearly. Its main limitation is an unreliable overview: it overlooks Other as the largest segment and presents several relatively small categories, including work environment and career planning, as the most important. The highest-priority improvement is to identify the dominant and secondary shares accurately in the overview, then organise the figures into clearer paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Almost all category values are reported accurately, but the overview misses the largest Other segment and misclassifies several smaller shares as the most important.
State that Other is largest at 26%, followed by practical knowledge and communication skills, before grouping the remaining smaller categories.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a broadly logical sequence, but the entire report is presented as one dense paragraph and some transitions are mechanical.
Separate the introduction and overview from two logically grouped detail paragraphs, using comparisons rather than stock transition phrases.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of chart vocabulary, although several choices and collocations, such as perspectives learned and ratio opined, are unnatural.
Use precise combinations such as proportion of respondents, aspect learned, and accounted for to describe the survey naturally.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the meaning, but recurring article, possessive, agreement, and word-form errors reduce control.
Review noun phrases and percentage structures, especially candidates' opinions, 15% of candidates, and comparatively small proportions.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows a survey result of 4000 participants who expressed what important aspects they have learned from the internship they have completed.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.