The pie charts below describe average household expenditures by major categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
Sample Response
The presented pie charts compare the expenses of Japanese and Malaysian people in five household categories in 2010. As can be seen from the given illustration, housing in Malaysia required just over one-third of the total cost while transportation in Japan demanded exactly the double cost than that in Malaysia on an average. As is evident from the given diagrams, food expenditure in Malaysia (27%) was slightly higher than that of Japan (24%). Different goods and services required the highest expenditure for Japanese while it was food that cost the Malaysian the most. Heath care drained 6% money for an average Japanese which was exactly double than the cost in Malaysia. However, just over one-third of the money in Malaysia went on housing while it was just over one-fifth in Japan. Malaysian people spent 26% of their total cost for different service and goods which was 3% lower than that of Japan. In summary, shelter, food and different commodities and service drained a lion share of a Malaysian’s earning while Japanese people spent more on products and service, foods, transport and housing in 2010. Finally, Japanese people had to spend more on medical services than that of Malaysians.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use household measure Original: expenses of Japanese and Malaysian people Suggested revision: household expenditure in Japan and Malaysia Why it matters: The charts compare average household spending rather than personal expenses.
- 2. Clarify categories Original: five household categories Suggested revision: five categories of household expenditure Why it matters: The categories describe types of spending, not types of households.
- 3. Fix comparison form Original: slightly higher than that of Japan (24%) Suggested revision: slightly higher than in Japan (24%) Why it matters: Country expenditure shares are compared with “than in,” not “than that of.”
- 4. Correct spelling Original: Heath Suggested revision: Health Why it matters: “Health” is misspelled.
- 5. Fix percentage phrase Original: drained 6% money Suggested revision: accounted for 6% of spending Why it matters: A percentage requires an “of” phrase and a natural reporting verb.
- 6. Use household scope Original: for an average Japanese Suggested revision: in Japan Why it matters: The chart reports average household expenditure by country.
- 7. Fix double comparison Original: exactly double than the cost in Malaysia Suggested revision: exactly twice the share in Malaysia Why it matters: Use “twice,” not “double than,” for a two-to-one comparison.
- 8. Match chart unit Original: people Suggested revision: households Why it matters: The visual reports household expenditure rather than individual spending.
- 9. Use expenditure phrase Original: cost Suggested revision: expenditure Why it matters: “Total expenditure” is the natural measure for the full household budget.
- 10. Fix preposition and number Original: for different service and goods Suggested revision: on other goods and services Why it matters: Spending takes “on,” and both category nouns should use the chart’s plural wording.
- 11. Use percentage points Original: 3% lower than that of Japan Suggested revision: three percentage points lower than Japan’s share Why it matters: The difference between 26% and 29% is three percentage points.
- 12. Match category label Original: different commodities and service Suggested revision: other goods and services Why it matters: This is the category name used in the visual.
Suggested Rewrites
- expenses of Japanese and Malaysian people household expenditure in Japan and Malaysia
- five household categories five categories of household expenditure
- slightly higher than that of Japan (24%) slightly higher than in Japan (24%)
- Heath Health
- drained 6% money accounted for 6% of spending
- for an average Japanese in Japan
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers every spending category and makes several useful, accurate cross-country comparisons, especially for transport, health care and other goods and services. However, it incorrectly identifies food as Malaysia’s largest expense and later claims Japan spent more on food and housing, contradicting the charts. Prioritise an accurate overview of the dominant categories and check each comparative claim against the figures before writing the summary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Most categories and figures are covered, but key statements about Malaysia’s largest category and Japan’s food and housing expenditure are inaccurate.
Make the overview state that other goods and services led in Japan while housing led in Malaysia, then verify every comparison against the percentages.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses through relevant comparisons and uses linking phrases, although the single-paragraph presentation and repetitive signposting make cohesion somewhat mechanical.
Use a distinct overview and group the detail paragraphs by categories where Malaysia spent more and those where Japan spent more.
Lexical Resource
The response uses varied expenditure vocabulary, but awkward collocations such as “demanded exactly the double cost” and “drained 6% money” reduce precision.
Prefer natural quantitative phrases such as “was twice as high,” “accounted for 6%,” and “spending on goods and services.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparison structures are attempted and meaning remains clear, but errors in articles, comparison forms, agreement, and countability occur repeatedly.
Practise controlled comparative constructions, especially “twice as much as,” and check singular and plural forms such as goods, services, and Malaysians.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below describe average household expenditures by major categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.