The pie charts below describe average household expenditures by major categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
Sample Response
The pie charts depict the proportions of money spent on households in Japan compared to Malaysia in 2010 based on five categories namely- housing, transportation, food, healthcare and other goods and services.
As illustrated, most of the expenditures in Japan was made on goods and other services, comprising 29% of the total expenditures compared to Malaysia, which only spends 26%. Food came as second priority for both countries with 24% and 27% of total household costs respectively. Housing in Japan is placed as the third priority with an average of 21% expenditure in comparison to Malaysia, which places their housing as their major expenditure. Furthermore, money spent for transportation fall as the fourth priority with an average of 20% in Japan and 10% in Malaysia. Lastly, healthcare was observed to be the least priority for both countries comprising 6% and 3% of the total expenditures.
Overall, pie charts indicate that the main expenses in both countries were on goods and services, food and housing, while transportation and healthcare were given least prioritised.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the measure Original: proportions of money spent on households Suggested revision: distribution of household expenditure Why it matters: The charts show how households allocate spending, not money spent on households.
- 2. Name both subjects Original: Japan compared to Malaysia Suggested revision: Japan and Malaysia Why it matters: The charts present the two countries in parallel.
- 3. Use category wording Original: based on five categories Suggested revision: across five categories Why it matters: “Across” naturally introduces the categories used to divide expenditure.
- 4. Avoid majority claim Original: most of the expenditures Suggested revision: the largest share of expenditure Why it matters: The 29% category is the largest share but not most of total spending.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: was made on Suggested revision: was allocated to Why it matters: Expenditure is more naturally described as being allocated to a category.
- 6. Use uncountable expenditure Original: 29% of the total expenditures Suggested revision: 29% of total expenditure Why it matters: “Expenditure” is uncountable when referring to the total amount spent.
- 7. Fix comparison structure Original: compared to Malaysia, which only spends 26% Suggested revision: compared with 26% in Malaysia Why it matters: The replacement compares equivalent percentages and keeps the report in the past context.
- 8. Describe rank objectively Original: Food came as second priority Suggested revision: Food was the second-largest category Why it matters: The chart shows expenditure shares, not household priorities.
- 9. Use consistent measure Original: of total household costs Suggested revision: of total household expenditure Why it matters: “Expenditure” matches the measure displayed in both charts.
- 10. State the ranking Original: Housing in Japan is placed as the third priority Suggested revision: Housing was the third-largest category in Japan Why it matters: The replacement reports the 2010 ranking without implying a deliberate priority.
- 11. Avoid average claim Original: with an average of 21% expenditure Suggested revision: accounting for 21% of expenditure Why it matters: The chart gives one share for 2010 rather than an average over observations.
- 12. Fix country comparison Original: in comparison to Malaysia, which places their housing as their major expenditure Suggested revision: compared with Malaysia, where housing was the largest category Why it matters: This removes pronoun disagreement and states the category relationship directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- proportions of money spent on households distribution of household expenditure
- Japan compared to Malaysia Japan and Malaysia
- based on five categories across five categories
- most of the expenditures the largest share of expenditure
- was made on was allocated to
- 29% of the total expenditures 29% of total expenditure
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response accurately reports all five spending categories, uses the key percentages effectively, and provides a clear comparative overview. Its main limitation is language control: recurrent agreement, tense, and collocation problems make otherwise accurate comparisons sound awkward. The highest-priority improvement is to retain the strong data selection while using more natural comparison phrases and checking subject-verb agreement throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report accurately covers all categories and percentages and highlights the principal similarities and contrasts with a clear overview.
Refine the overview by explicitly contrasting Malaysia’s leading housing share with Japan’s leading other-goods-and-services share.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced from larger to smaller categories, and paragraphing and linking make the comparison easy to follow.
Place the overview immediately after the introduction and reduce mechanical sequencing such as ‘Furthermore’ and ‘Lastly’.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for comparison, but repeated priority language and awkward collocations limit naturalness.
Prefer precise expressions such as accounted for, represented the largest share, and was the smallest category.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparisons are attempted successfully, but agreement, tense, pronoun, and complement errors occur in several sentences.
Check plural subject-verb agreement and keep the statistical description consistently in the past tense.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below describe average household expenditures by major categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.