The graph shows Japanese average monthly salary (Yen) from 1953 to 1973, and the prices of black and white Television and colored Television during the same period.
Sample Response
The line graph shows data on the changes in the monthly income of Japanese people and the prices of two types of television during the thirty-year period from 1953 to 1983.
In general, the amount of money they earned increased considerably, whereas the price of television followed the opposite trend. In addition, color televisions cost much more than black and white ones.
In 1953, the income of the Japanese was just below 20 thousand yen per month. Meanwhile, the price for black and white television was 110 thousand yen, which was approximately five times as high as the average salary. However, after a decade, there was a steady growth of around 5 thousand yen in how much money they earned, while the amount they paid for television saw a plunge to 40 thousand yen. Also in this year, color television started to be sold in Japan at 100 thousand yen.
The prices of the two types of television became much more affordable during the rest of the period. The cost of color television plummeted to nearly 55 thousand yen, compared to about 25 thousand yen of black and white models. The figures continued to drop gradually to just under 50 thousand yen and 20 thousand yen respectively in 1983. The monthly salary, on the other hand, witnessed a substantial rise to 30 thousand yen and overtook the cost of black and white TVs in 1973. After that, it soared to around 65 thousand yen in 1983.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct period length Original: thirty Suggested revision: twenty Why it matters: The graph covers twenty years from 1953 to 1973.
- 2. Correct end year Original: 1983 Suggested revision: 1973 Why it matters: The final year shown in the graph is 1973.
- 3. Use plural noun Original: the price of television Suggested revision: the prices of televisions Why it matters: The overview refers to the prices of two television types, so a plural form is required.
- 4. Correct salary figure Original: just below 20 thousand yen Suggested revision: about 30 thousand yen Why it matters: The monthly salary is plotted at approximately 30 thousand yen in 1953.
- 5. Improve noun phrase Original: price for black and white television Suggested revision: price of a black-and-white television Why it matters: Price of is the natural collocation, and the compound adjective should be hyphenated.
- 6. Correct television price Original: 110 Suggested revision: 100 Why it matters: The black-and-white television price is 100 thousand yen in 1953.
- 7. Correct price ratio Original: approximately five times as high as Suggested revision: just over three times as high as Why it matters: A price of 100 thousand yen is just over three times the salary of 30 thousand yen.
- 8. Name the year Original: after a decade Suggested revision: by 1963 Why it matters: Ten years after 1953 is 1963, the relevant point on the graph.
- 9. Correct salary change Original: a steady growth of around 5 thousand yen Suggested revision: an increase to around 60 thousand yen Why it matters: The monthly salary reaches about 60 thousand yen in 1963.
- 10. Correct 1963 price Original: saw a plunge to 40 thousand yen Suggested revision: fell to around 60 thousand yen Why it matters: The black-and-white television price is approximately 60 thousand yen in 1963.
- 11. Correct introduction year Original: Also in this year Suggested revision: In 1958 Why it matters: The first coloured-television data point appears in 1958 rather than 1963.
- 12. Avoid unsupported claim Original: started to be sold in Japan Suggested revision: first appeared in the data Why it matters: The graph gives its first recorded price but does not establish when sales began.
Suggested Rewrites
- thirty twenty
- 1983 1973
- the price of television the prices of televisions
- just below 20 thousand yen about 30 thousand yen
- price for black and white television price of a black-and-white television
- 110 100
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is fluent, logically organised, and uses a strong range of comparative language. However, it misreads the time span as ending in 1983 and reports numerous values and milestones that do not appear in the graph, so the detailed description is largely unreliable despite a broadly correct trend overview. Recheck the axes and plot every reported year and figure before drafting, then select only the major accurate comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The broad rise in salary and fall in television prices are recognised, but the period and most supporting figures are seriously inaccurate.
Use the actual 1953–1973 timeline and accurately report the key values, including salary rising from 30 to 180 thousand yen.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overview and two detail paragraphs create clear progression, with comparisons linked smoothly throughout.
Organise the detail around the graph's actual time points so the otherwise strong progression also supports accurate coverage.
Lexical Resource
A flexible range of trend and comparison vocabulary is used naturally, with only occasional awkward phrasing.
Prefer precise noun phrases such as the price of a black-and-white television and avoid attributing unsupported events such as sales beginning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences and comparison structures are varied and generally well controlled, with few non-impeding errors.
Polish article use and noun modification in phrases referring to television types and prices.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph shows Japanese average monthly salary (Yen) from 1953 to 1973, and the prices of black and white Television and colored Television during the same period.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.