The chart shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Sample Response
The graph compares the amount of leisure time enjoyed by people of different employment levels in a typical week in the year 1998-1999.
In the given column graph, no data has been provided for the part-time employed and house-staying men. For rest of the cases, Men have more leisure time than women of the same category. The highest amount of leisure hours is enjoyed by those, who are unemployed. Unemployed men had approximately 85 hours of spare time and women from the same category had about 83 hours. The retired people also enjoyed the same amount of leisure activities as did the unemployed men and women. On the contrary, full-time employed men had a total of 40 hours leisure time compared to about 37 hours of women from the same status. Finally, women with part-time jobs had 40 hours to spend for their leisure activities and housewives had 50 hours leisure time per week.
In conclusion, unemployed and retire people, both men and women enjoyed more leisure time than employed people and men compared to women had more time for leisure activities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use chart category term Original: levels Suggested revision: statuses Why it matters: The chart groups people by employment status rather than employment level.
- 2. Name the chart precisely Original: column graph Suggested revision: bar chart Why it matters: Bar chart is the conventional term for this visual.
- 3. Fix modifier structure Original: part-time employed Suggested revision: men employed part-time Why it matters: The revised phrase forms a natural noun phrase for this category.
- 4. Use accurate category wording Original: house-staying men Suggested revision: male homemakers Why it matters: House-staying is not natural English for the homemaker category.
- 5. Add the missing article Original: For rest of the cases Suggested revision: In the remaining categories Why it matters: The phrase needs a determiner and a clearer reference to the chart categories.
- 6. Use lowercase mid-sentence Original: Men Suggested revision: men Why it matters: A common noun after the introductory phrase should not be capitalized.
- 7. Use countable quantity Original: amount Suggested revision: number Why it matters: Hours are countable, so number is the appropriate quantity noun.
- 8. Remove unnecessary comma Original: those, who Suggested revision: those who Why it matters: A comma should not separate this restrictive relative clause from its antecedent.
- 9. Correct the female figure Original: 83 hours Suggested revision: about 78 hours Why it matters: The unemployed female bar is just under 80 hours, not approximately 83.
- 10. Remove unnecessary article Original: The retired people Suggested revision: Retired people Why it matters: The plural noun is used generically here and does not need the definite article.
- 11. Describe time accurately Original: same amount of leisure activities Suggested revision: a similar amount of leisure time Why it matters: The chart measures hours of leisure time rather than a quantity of activities.
- 12. Use a comparison linker Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By comparison Why it matters: The sentence compares categories rather than contradicting the preceding statement.
Suggested Rewrites
- levels statuses
- column graph bar chart
- part-time employed men employed part-time
- house-staying men male homemakers
- For rest of the cases In the remaining categories
- Men men
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear overview of the dominant patterns and covers every employment category, with generally sensible comparisons between men and women. Its main weakness is numerical precision: unemployment and full-time figures are misstated, while retired and unemployed groups are treated as identical. Prioritise careful reading and reporting of exact approximate values, then express comparisons with more natural grammar and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and broad coverage of all categories are supported by relevant comparisons, although several figures are inaccurate or insufficiently differentiated.
Check each bar carefully and distinguish close values, particularly the female unemployment figure and the differences between unemployed and retired groups.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from an introduction through detailed comparisons to a summary, but the long central paragraph and occasional faulty linking reduce fluency.
Group the categories into two focused detail paragraphs and use contrast markers only where the relationship is genuinely contrasting.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for describing categories and comparisons, but several choices such as employment levels, house-staying, and leisure activities are awkward or imprecise.
Use precise chart language such as employment status, housewives, leisure time, and hours per week consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the data clearly, though article, word-form, capitalisation, and comparative-structure errors recur.
Edit for missing articles and correct forms, especially the rest of the cases, retired people, and men had more leisure time than women.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.