The bar charts and line graph below show the results of a survey conducted over a three-year period to discover what people who live in London think of the city. What are the best things about living in London? What are the worst things about living in London? Are these things a major problem in London? (% of people answering ‘yes’)
Sample Response
The graphs reveal data of a survey that shows how Londoners feel about living in London by expressing the greatest and worst thing they face. The data also presents the ratio of these people who think litter, air quality and noise are some primary concerns. Generally speaking, freedom of shopping, employment and multicultural environment are the best things about London while costs, crime and mixture of races are the main hindrance of quality life in London, according to the survey takers. The bar graphs consider people’s opinion in three years regarding the paramount and poorest aspect of living in London. As is presented, the highest percentages of Londoners, roughly 42-45 percent, think that the range of shopping is the best thing they enjoy about London. Around 35% Londoners voted for job and cross-cultural citizens as main advantages. Night life, places to visit and transport facilities were picked by approximately 20-25% people in these years as the main attraction for dwelling in London. Living and housing costs, traffic jam and crime were picked by a significant percentage of people as the vilest thing about this city. Interestingly, while some people consider multicultural environment and transports as two main benefits of living in London, more than one third possess an opposite view. Crime was a great problem in the first year but over the time, fewer percentage of people showed their concern about it. Finally, garbage problem was mentioned by the highest ratio of people, 70-75% as a great concern in London while around 65% and 55% on an average considered air quality and noise to be a major problem for living in London.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural phrasing Original: reveal data of a survey Suggested revision: present data from a survey Why it matters: This is a more natural way to introduce the charts.
- 2. Plural agreement Original: greatest and worst thing Suggested revision: best and worst things Why it matters: The charts include several categories, so the plural is needed.
- 3. Survey term Original: ratio of these people Suggested revision: percentage of respondents Why it matters: The visuals report percentages of people answering yes.
- 4. Chart label Original: freedom of shopping Suggested revision: range of shops Why it matters: The chart category is range of shops.
- 5. Chart label Original: mixture of races Suggested revision: mixture of people Why it matters: Use the exact category shown in the survey chart.
- 6. Awkward phrase Original: main hindrance of quality life Suggested revision: main drawbacks of life Why it matters: This is clearer and more natural.
- 7. Simpler wording Original: paramount and poorest aspect Suggested revision: best and worst aspects Why it matters: The simpler phrase is more idiomatic here.
- 8. Missing of Original: 35% Londoners Suggested revision: 35% of Londoners Why it matters: Use of after a percentage before a noun.
- 9. Category wording Original: cross-cultural citizens Suggested revision: the mixture of people Why it matters: This matches the chart more accurately.
- 10. Too informal Original: vilest thing Suggested revision: worst thing Why it matters: Vilest is too strong and unnatural for a formal report.
- 11. Countability error Original: fewer percentage Suggested revision: a smaller percentage Why it matters: Percentage is singular here and needs smaller, not fewer.
- 12. Chart label Original: garbage problem Suggested revision: litter Why it matters: The line graph category is litter.
Suggested Rewrites
- reveal data of a survey present data from a survey
- greatest and worst thing best and worst things
- ratio of these people percentage of respondents
- freedom of shopping range of shops
- mixture of races mixture of people
- main hindrance of quality life main drawbacks of life
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response covers all three visuals and identifies many important features, including shops, jobs, cost of living, traffic, crime, litter, air quality, and noise. Some labels are inaccurate or informal, and the report does not always distinguish clearly between the three years.
Use the exact chart categories and add clearer year-by-year comparisons, especially the fall in crime as a worst feature and the decline in noise as a major problem.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has a clear overview and moves from best features to worst features and then major problems. However, the long paragraph and dense listing reduce readability.
Split the report into separate paragraphs for best things, worst things, and major problems.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary range is fairly wide, but several choices are unnatural or too informal, such as vilest thing, garbage problem, and cross-cultural citizens.
Use neutral survey language: respondents, category, feature, drawback, litter, and percentage.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Most ideas are understandable, but there are errors with articles, plural nouns, and noun phrases such as 35% Londoners and fewer percentage.
Use of after percentages and revise phrases like a smaller percentage of people.