The line graph below gives information about the number of visitors to three London museums between June and September 2013.
Sample Response
The graph shows (show) how many people visited (visit) three London museums in the summer of 2013. Most visitors went (go) to the British museum between June and September. The number fluctuated (fluctuate) between 500 and 750. By contrast, the Science Museum and the Natural History Museum received (receive) fewer visitors. The number of people who visited the Science Museum dropped (drop) gradually from 400 thousand to 300 from June to August then rose (rise) to 450 thousand in September. We can see (see) that the trend for the Natural History Museum was (be) similar. There was a sharp drop in visitors from June to July. The number remained stable (remain stable) in August and then increased (increase) steadily in September.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove verb prompt Original: (show) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The parenthetical base verb is an editing artifact and is not part of the sentence.
- 2. Remove verb prompt Original: (visit) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Delete the parenthetical infinitive because the correctly inflected verb is already present.
- 3. Remove verb prompt Original: (go) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The parenthetical base form interrupts the completed past-tense sentence.
- 4. Capitalize proper name Original: museum Suggested revision: Museum Why it matters: Both words in the museum's proper name require capitalization.
- 5. Remove verb prompt Original: (fluctuate) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The bracketed base form should be removed after the correct past-tense verb.
- 6. Include the units Original: between 500 and 750 Suggested revision: between 500,000 and 750,000 Why it matters: The graph measures visitors in thousands, so the values represent 500,000 to 750,000 people.
- 7. Remove verb prompt Original: (receive) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The base verb in parentheses is an editing artifact after the correct verb.
- 8. Remove verb prompt Original: (drop) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Delete the unnecessary base verb after the correctly formed past tense.
- 9. State both values fully Original: from 400 thousand to 300 Suggested revision: from 400,000 to 300,000 Why it matters: Both endpoints need the same visitor unit for an accurate comparison.
- 10. Separate sequence clauses Original: August then rose Suggested revision: August, then rose Why it matters: A comma clearly separates the completed decline from the subsequent rise.
- 11. Remove verb prompt Original: (rise) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The parenthetical base verb is unnecessary after the inflected verb.
- 12. Quantify the fall Original: a sharp drop Suggested revision: a drop from about 550,000 to 370,000 Why it matters: Approximate figures from the graph make the Natural History Museum's decline precise.
Suggested Rewrites
- (show) Delete
- (visit) Delete
- (go) Delete
- museum Museum
- (fluctuate) Delete
- between 500 and 750 between 500,000 and 750,000
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response communicates the principal patterns clearly and accurately, especially the British Museum’s overall lead and the falls followed by September recoveries. However, it is substantially under length, gives limited detail for two series, and leaves parenthetical base-form prompts in the finished report. Expand the account with selected monthly figures and direct comparisons, then remove the exercise-style brackets so the description reads as a complete formal report.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends are accurate and all three museums are mentioned, but the under-length response provides too few specific values and comparisons.
Develop the report beyond 150 words with selected figures for the British and Natural History museums and comparisons at key months.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a clear museum-by-museum progression, though the single compact paragraph limits the separation of overview and detail.
Use a short overview paragraph followed by a detail paragraph that groups the two museums with similar downward-then-upward patterns.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for describing change, but repetition and the retained base-form prompts reduce precision and formality.
Remove every parenthetical prompt and vary repeated expressions with precise trend language and direct numerical comparisons.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The completed clauses show generally accurate control of simple and complex forms, although the inserted base verbs disrupt sentence presentation.
Present only the correctly inflected verbs and proofread units, including ‘300 thousand’, so every sentence is complete and polished.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The line graph below gives information about the number of visitors to three London museums between June and September 2013.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.