The chart below shows male and female fitness membership between 1970 and 2000 in Someland.
Sample Response
The given bar graph compares the number of male and female fitness memberships from 1970 to 2000 in Someland. According to the data, initially there were more male fitness members than that of females but more female fitness members could be observed in the remaining years except in 1995.
In the year 1970, there were 2000 male fitness members in Someland compared to half of that female member and this scenario got completely reversed in 2000. In 1975, female members doubled and so did the male members. From the year 1985 women fitness members increased as compared to men except in the year 1995 when the male memberships again doubled than the number of female memberships. Women fitness members increased over the years with some fluctuations, highest being in 1985 and 1995 (more than 2500 members) and lowest in 1970 (1000 members). In the final year number of male and female fitness membership decreased with the total of 3000 membership among which 2000 were female members.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Count people clearly Original: number of male and female fitness memberships Suggested revision: numbers of male and female fitness members Why it matters: The chart counts members in two groups, so plural numbers and members are more precise.
- 2. Name the quantity Original: female members doubled Suggested revision: the number of female members doubled Why it matters: The number doubled, rather than the people themselves.
- 3. Qualify male rise Original: so did the male members Suggested revision: the number of male members nearly doubled Why it matters: Male membership rose from just over 2,000 to 4,000, which is close to but not exactly double.
- 4. Use noun phrase Original: Women fitness members increased over Suggested revision: Female fitness membership increased over Why it matters: Female is the correct modifier, and membership names the measured total.
- 5. Use plural head noun Original: In the final year number Suggested revision: In the final year, the numbers Why it matters: Two separate membership totals require a plural noun.
- 6. Complete the noun phrase Original: membership Suggested revision: members Why it matters: This completes the phrase the numbers of male and female fitness members.
- 7. Express the combined total Original: with the total of 3000 membership Suggested revision: to a combined total of 3,000 members Why it matters: Decrease takes to for the endpoint, and members is countable here.
- 8. Use a parallel noun Original: that of females Suggested revision: female members Why it matters: The comparison requires a plural noun phrase parallel to male fitness members.
- 9. Use direct reporting Original: could be observed Suggested revision: were recorded Why it matters: A direct reporting verb is clearer for chart data.
- 10. Fix quantity comparison Original: half of that female member Suggested revision: about twice as many female members Why it matters: The comparison needs a plural count phrase, with male membership about twice the female total.
- 11. Refer to the figures Original: this scenario got completely reversed Suggested revision: the figures were reversed Why it matters: Figures is a more precise reference to the two membership totals.
- 12. Use uncountable membership Original: memberships Suggested revision: membership Why it matters: Membership describes the aggregate count here and is singular.
Suggested Rewrites
- number of male and female fitness memberships numbers of male and female fitness members
- female members doubled the number of female members doubled
- so did the male members the number of male members nearly doubled
- Women fitness members increased over Female fitness membership increased over
- In the final year number In the final year, the numbers
- membership members
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response provides a broadly chronological account and includes several accurate figures, especially for the endpoints. Its main limitation is the inaccurate overview that women outnumbered men in all remaining years except 1995, since men were also higher in 1975 and 1980, alongside limited coverage of the male series. The highest-priority improvement is to verify the overview against every year and express comparisons with grammatically accurate forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Several figures and later-year comparisons are accurate, but the overview misstates the gender pattern and the male series is covered unevenly.
Revise the overview to show that men led in 1970, 1975, 1980, and 1995, while women led in 1985, 1990, and 2000.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a generally understandable chronological path, but some comparisons are crowded into long sentences and references are occasionally unclear.
Group the early and later years into separate comparison sequences with clearer sentence boundaries.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to describe changes and comparisons, but awkward collocations and repeated forms such as memberships weaken precision.
Use natural phrases such as membership figures, twice as many, and the number of female members.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors in comparison forms, articles, agreement, and countable nouns reduce accuracy.
Practise comparative patterns such as twice as many as and check noun number and subject-verb agreement throughout.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows male and female fitness membership between 1970 and 2000 in Someland.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.