The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010.
Sample Response
The line graph shows male and female gym membership over a thirty-year period. The vertical axis represents the number of members in units of 1,000. The horizontal axis represents the period from 1980 to 2010.
Overall, the graph indicates that there were greater fluctuations in gym membership among men than among women. The number of male members started the period at just over two thousand and reached highs of four thousand in 1985 and five thousand around 2005. The lowest rates were between 1993 and 1997 and more recently in 2010 when the rate dipped as low as one thousand.
Female gym membership began lower at one thousand, doubled by 1984, and then fluctuated between two and three thousand for the remainder of the period. When male rates were at their lowest, female rates were higher. This was particularly true between 1993 and 1997 when over three thousand women held gym membership.
In brief, there were marked differences in rates of male and female gym memberships in the period covered.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Read axis directly Original: in units of 1,000 Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The axis already displays member totals such as 1,000 and 2,000 rather than values that must be multiplied by 1,000.
- 2. Use chart terminology Original: highs Suggested revision: peaks Why it matters: Peaks is the more precise term for high points on a line graph.
- 3. Describe counts accurately Original: rates Suggested revision: figures Why it matters: The graph presents numbers of members rather than rates.
- 4. Name membership directly Original: when the rate dipped Suggested revision: when membership fell Why it matters: Membership is clearer and more accurate than rate for this count.
- 5. Improve starting estimate Original: began lower at one thousand Suggested revision: began at a lower level of just over one thousand Why it matters: The female line starts slightly above 1,000, so the revised estimate better matches the graph.
- 6. Use count terminology Original: rates Suggested revision: membership Why it matters: Membership is the measured quantity, whereas rates implies a different unit.
- 7. Use natural phrasing Original: held gym membership Suggested revision: were gym members Why it matters: Were gym members is the natural expression for the number of people represented.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: This was particularly true between 1993 and 1997 when over three thousand women held gym membership. Suggested revision: This was particularly true between 1993 and 1997, when female membership rose from roughly 2,700 to just under 3,000. Why it matters: The female line remains below 3,000 throughout this period, so the original figure is inaccurate.
- 9. Remove repeated summary Suggested revision: Delete this final paragraph or merge its point into the existing overview so the report ends after the detailed comparison. Why it matters: The final sentence repeats the overview without adding a new trend or comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- in units of 1,000 Delete
- highs peaks
- rates figures
- when the rate dipped when membership fell
- began lower at one thousand began at a lower level of just over one thousand
- rates membership
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is well organised and gives a clear, accurate account of the contrasting male and female patterns, with especially effective selection of peaks and broad fluctuations. The main limitation is minor imprecision in the female data, notably the claim that membership exceeded 3,000 between 1993 and 1997. The highest-priority improvement is to check approximate values against the graph more carefully while retaining the concise comparative structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and well-selected peaks, troughs, and comparisons cover the main patterns, though a few female figures are slightly inaccurate.
Check the female peak in the mid-1990s and the later values more precisely, describing them as just under 3,000 rather than over 3,000.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses clearly from graph orientation to an overview and focused details, with effective paragraphing and cohesive links.
Remove the repetitive final summary or use that space for one additional direct comparison between the two series.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise for trends and comparisons, with only minor repetition of membership, rates, and period.
Refine reference words and vary repeated nouns selectively while preserving the report's accurate trend language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, and errors are rare and do not impede communication.
Maintain this control while tightening occasional wording, such as using membership figures instead of rates where absolute numbers are shown.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.