The table shows the percentage of people with mobile phones who use various features on their phones.
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of mobile users who utilize the various characters of their electronic gadgets.
Overall, it is immediately apparent from the chart that the feature of making calls was immensely used by the people in three years, while there was no data found of the individual who used Phones for Internet and recording video purpose.
In detail, 100% of mobile holders used their phones to make calls in 2006, and this amount remained untouched after two years, but this value declined by 1% in 2010. following this, people utilized the feature of taking photos on their mobile gadgets, with shares at 66% in 2006, and this amount surged by 5% after two years. Surprisingly, 76% of people used electronic phones to capture images in 2010. moreover, in 2006, 73% of individuals sent and received text messages on their phones, and this value inclined to 79% after four years.
Furthermore, some people who played games on their smartphones began at 17%, and this number skyrocketed to 42% in 2008. it is interesting to note that those people who use their phones for the Internet had no data found in 2006, but after two years, this value was recorded at 41% and gradually shot up to 73% in 2010. moreover, 12% of individuals used their mobile phones for music in 2006, and this ratio inclined to 18% in 2008. finally, 26% of people listened to music on their smartphones in 2010
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Identify the visual Original: bar chart Suggested revision: table Why it matters: The visual presents the figures in a table, not a bar chart.
- 2. Use correct noun Original: characters Suggested revision: features Why it matters: ‘Features’ is the correct term for phone functions such as calling and taking photos.
- 3. Use precise term Original: electronic gadgets Suggested revision: mobile phones Why it matters: ‘Mobile phones’ directly names the devices represented in the table.
- 4. Describe stable data Original: amount remained untouched Suggested revision: figure remained unchanged Why it matters: A percentage is a figure, and ‘remained unchanged’ is the standard expression for stable data.
- 5. State unit precisely Original: declined by 1% Suggested revision: declined by one percentage point Why it matters: The fall from 100% to 99% is one percentage point.
- 6. Capitalise sentence start Original: following Suggested revision: Following Why it matters: The first word of a new sentence must begin with a capital letter.
- 7. Fix number phrase Original: with shares at 66% Suggested revision: with a share of 66% Why it matters: Only one 2006 percentage is given, so a singular noun and ‘of’ are required.
- 8. Report change precisely Original: amount surged by 5% Suggested revision: figure rose by five percentage points Why it matters: The increase from 66% to 71% is five percentage points and is better described neutrally as a rise.
- 9. Remove subjective wording Original: Surprisingly, Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Task 1 should report the data objectively rather than characterising a figure as surprising.
- 10. Use standard term Original: electronic Suggested revision: mobile Why it matters: ‘Mobile phones’ is the standard term for the devices in the table.
- 11. Capitalise sentence start Original: moreover Suggested revision: Moreover Why it matters: The linking adverb begins a new sentence and therefore requires a capital letter.
- 12. Use trend verb Original: inclined Suggested revision: increased Why it matters: ‘Increased’ describes an upward numerical change; ‘inclined’ does not.
Suggested Rewrites
- bar chart table
- characters features
- electronic gadgets mobile phones
- amount remained untouched figure remained unchanged
- declined by 1% declined by one percentage point
- following Following
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response reports many figures accurately and follows a workable time-based progression, especially for calls, photos, internet use, and music. However, the overview is misleading about missing data, record-video figures are omitted entirely, and several descriptions use unnatural or inaccurate vocabulary. Prioritize identifying the full set of major trends from the table before drafting, then describe them with precise feature names and controlled comparative language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Many figures are reported accurately, but the overview misrepresents the missing data, the record-video series is omitted, and the slight fall in gaming is not covered.
Write an overview of the broad rises and stable call use, then include the important emergence and growth of video recording.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and chronological progression are understandable, but the detail paragraphs become list-like and transitions are repetitive.
Group features by similar trends and use fewer, more purposeful linking expressions to strengthen comparisons.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied language for trends, but frequent inappropriate choices such as 'characters', 'inclined', and 'amount' weaken precision.
Use accurate table vocabulary and standard trend verbs such as features, percentage, rose, fell, and remained stable.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is some complex sentence use, but frequent agreement, capitalization, clause-structure, and punctuation errors reduce control.
Write shorter controlled sentences, ensure each sentence starts with a capital letter, and check that each subject matches its verb.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table shows the percentage of people with mobile phones who use various features on their phones.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.