The charts below show degrees granted in different fields at the National University in the years 1990, 2000, 2010.
Sample Response
The information regarding the awarded degrees in four different fields by National University in the span of three decades has been depicted in the pie charts. The significant feature of this graph portrays that maximum degrees were granted in computer science field by National University as its proportion was accounted for 45% in 2010 which had increased gradually from 30% since 1990. Moving further to business stream, the percentage of awarded degrees was noticed as 30% in 1990 which led to a decline of 10% during 2000. Then, it descended slightly to 15% in 2010. An identical pattern was followed by the ratio of awarded degrees in both law and medicine departments. In the case of Medicine department, the proportion of granted degrees was almost a quarter during 1990 and 2010, however, the proportion was 30% in 2000. Moreover, the percentage of granted degrees in law was the lowest, 10% in 2000 and slightly higher in other two decades. Hence, it can be deduced that more students graduated from computer science from National University than they did from other faculties.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add article and preposition Original: by National University in Suggested revision: by the National University over Why it matters: The institution needs the definite article, and the charts cover a time period.
- 2. Correct the time span Original: three Suggested revision: two Why it matters: The period from 1990 to 2010 spans twenty years.
- 3. Use simple present Original: has been depicted Suggested revision: is depicted Why it matters: The simple present is more appropriate when describing what a chart shows.
- 4. Use indefinite article Original: The Suggested revision: A Why it matters: This introduces one notable feature rather than a uniquely defined feature.
- 5. Match the visual type Original: this graph Suggested revision: these charts Why it matters: The visual contains three pie charts rather than one graph.
- 6. Use natural overview phrasing Original: portrays Suggested revision: is Why it matters: A feature is stated with 'is that' rather than 'portrays that'.
- 7. Describe proportions accurately Original: maximum degrees were granted Suggested revision: the largest proportion of degrees was granted Why it matters: The pie charts show shares of degrees, not absolute numbers.
- 8. Add definite article Original: in computer science field Suggested revision: in the computer science field Why it matters: The singular specified field requires the definite article.
- 9. Fix account construction Original: its proportion was accounted for 45% Suggested revision: computer science accounted for 45% Why it matters: The active pattern 'accounted for' correctly expresses the share.
- 10. Clarify the trend Original: which had increased gradually from 30% since 1990 Suggested revision: after rising from 30% in 1990 Why it matters: This links the starting value and final value clearly without an unsuitable relative clause.
- 11. Use a concise transition Original: Moving further to business stream Suggested revision: Turning to business Why it matters: This transition introduces the next category more directly.
- 12. Use data-reporting verb Original: was noticed as 30% Suggested revision: stood at 30% Why it matters: 'Stood at' is the conventional expression for a reported percentage.
Suggested Rewrites
- by National University in by the National University over
- three two
- has been depicted is depicted
- The A
- this graph these charts
- portrays is
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response covers all four fields, identifies the rise of computer science, and reports most proportions accurately. Its main limitation is awkward, sometimes imprecise language, while the single-paragraph presentation weakens the clarity of an otherwise logical account. The highest priority is to organise the overview and details into distinct paragraphs and express comparisons with more natural, grammatically controlled structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overall trend and accurately covers the principal figures for all four subjects, with only minor imprecision in its concluding comparison.
State the overview more precisely by noting that computer science rose from a joint-high position in 1990 to a clear lead in 2010.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses logically from computer science to the other fields, but the single paragraph and somewhat mechanical transitions reduce clarity.
Separate the overview from two grouped detail paragraphs and use direct comparisons instead of transitional fillers such as 'Moving further'.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of trend and comparison vocabulary, although several collocations such as 'proportion was accounted for' are unnatural.
Use precise combinations such as 'accounted for 45%' and 'the proportion of degrees awarded in business' consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the data clearly, but recurring errors in articles, prepositions, and verb forms limit control.
Review complex sentences for accurate passive forms and prepositions, particularly when describing figures awarded by the university.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show degrees granted in different fields at the National University in the years 1990, 2000, 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.