The chart below shows the number of travellers using three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000.
Sample Response
The bar chart gives information about how many people visited New York City through three major airports, over a six-year period between 1995 and 2000.
Overall, it can be seen that over the period, there was a fluctuant trend in the number of passengers who travelled via John F. Kennedy airport, while the other two airports saw an upward trend. Another interesting point is that LaGuardia airport was the most popular at the end.
Looking at the detail, the number of travellers at John F. Kennedy airport started at 26m in 1995, and then increased remarkably to reach the highest point of 47m in 1997. In 1999, the figure dipped to 32m. At the last year, there was a slight growth to 44m. On the other hand, LaGuardia began at 35m in 1995, after that it rose remarkably for the next three years, at 46m. In 2000, LaGuardia hit the peak point at 68m travellers.
However, if we look at Newark airport, it started at the lowest point of 16m passengers in the first year. After this point, the trend increased significantly to 42m in 1998. In the last two years it remained stable at 42m travellers.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe airport use Original: visited New York City through Suggested revision: travelled through Why it matters: The chart measures passengers using the airports rather than specifically visitors to the city.
- 2. Remove time redundancy Original: over a six-year period between 1995 and 2000 Suggested revision: during the six years from 1995 to 2000 Why it matters: Using both over a period and between makes the time expression unnecessarily repetitive.
- 3. Use the correct form Original: fluctuant Suggested revision: fluctuating Why it matters: Fluctuating is the standard adjective for a pattern that rises and falls.
- 4. Use concise emphasis Original: Another interesting point is that Suggested revision: Notably, Why it matters: This transition highlights the key feature more directly and formally.
- 5. State the endpoint precisely Original: the most popular at the end Suggested revision: the busiest in 2000 Why it matters: Busiest and the named year describe passenger volume and timing more precisely.
- 6. Use the plural noun Original: detail Suggested revision: details Why it matters: Details is the idiomatic plural form in this transition.
- 7. Use chart vocabulary Original: then increased remarkably Suggested revision: then rose sharply Why it matters: Rose sharply is a more natural description of the sizeable increase in passenger numbers.
- 8. Fix the time phrase Original: At the last year Suggested revision: In the final year Why it matters: Years take the preposition in, and final is the natural adjective here.
- 9. Describe the change Original: growth Suggested revision: rise Why it matters: Rise is the more precise noun for an increase between two chart values.
- 10. Correct the final figure Original: 44m Suggested revision: 45 million Why it matters: The chart shows about 45 million JFK passengers in 2000.
- 11. Use concise trend language Original: hit the peak point Suggested revision: peaked Why it matters: Peaked expresses reaching the highest value without redundant wording.
- 12. Write the unit clearly Original: 68m travellers Suggested revision: 68 million travellers Why it matters: Writing out million makes the reported unit clearer in formal prose.
Suggested Rewrites
- visited New York City through travelled through
- over a six-year period between 1995 and 2000 during the six years from 1995 to 2000
- fluctuant fluctuating
- Another interesting point is that Notably,
- the most popular at the end the busiest in 2000
- detail details
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents an effective overview and follows the three airport series in a clear sequence, using mostly accurate figures. Coverage is somewhat selective, however, with several intermediate years omitted and minor imprecision in the final Kennedy figure, while some phrasing is awkward or repetitive. The best improvement would be to compare the airports more directly across key years while using more natural trend vocabulary and sentence links.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview accurately distinguishes Kennedy's fluctuation from the other airports' growth, and the key start, peak and end values are mostly well selected.
Add one or two direct cross-airport comparisons and report Kennedy's final value precisely as about 45 million.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and a sensible airport-by-airport sequence make the report easy to follow, despite a few mechanical transitions.
Link the detail paragraphs through meaningful comparisons rather than stock phrases such as looking at the detail and however, if we look.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for describing trends, but fluctuant, peak point and repeated use of remarkably show uneven precision and naturalness.
Prefer natural terms such as fluctuating, peak, rose sharply and recovered when describing the changes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is generally accurate, though a few clauses are awkwardly joined or constructed.
Revise long trend sentences so each time reference and endpoint is attached clearly without comma splices.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the number of travellers using three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.