The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
The provided pie graphs present specific information regardingregaring the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.in two different years.
Overall, a notable pattern that emerges is that traveltravelling constituted the largestlarest share, whereas book sales formed the smallest sharegroup in 2003. Furthermore, it is evident that there was a significant shift from 2003 to 2013.
In 2003,A closer analysis of the data reveals that the travel sector occupiedproportion of travelling occupied the largest share, standing at 36%, followed by clothes, and film and music,clothes and film and music categories, with percentages of 24%the percentage of 24% and 21% respectively. In contrast, the sales for booksbook ranked 4th, which is the smallest figure(19%).
Notably, the sales in 2013 witnessed an evident shift. More precisely, the figure for travelling dropped by 7%, making it the second largestlarest share of total sales. Meanwhile, clothes sales experienced a substantial drop to 16%.minor dip to 16%. In stark contrast, film and music sales surged to 33%, surpassingdominating the other three categories. Finally, the increase in book salesAlso, the difference in that of books was negligiblecould be negligible.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The report effectively covers key data points and highlights major trends, providing a clear overall picture of the changing retail sales landscape. However, minor inaccuracies in reading the pie chart legend led to mislabeling the clothes and travel proportions in the detailed paragraphs. Focusing on meticulous data matching from visual legends and double-checking spelling will significantly refine the response.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overall overview of the main trends, but misidentifies key data labels from the pie chart legend, such as confusing clothes and travel percentages.
Carefully map each shaded section of the pie chart to its corresponding legend item before describing the data.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into dedicated overview and detail paragraphs with effective transitional phrases.
Vary sentence structures slightly to avoid repetitive phrasing when listing proportions.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary related to trends and proportions is used, though minor spelling slips like 'larest' and 'regaring' are present.
Proofread carefully to eliminate typographical errors and ensure precise word choice.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures and comparative forms are used with good grammatical control throughout.
Maintain consistent accuracy in noun plurals and prepositions when describing figures.