The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
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Sample Response
The provided pie chartsgraphs present specific information regarding the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
Overall, a notable pattern that emerges is that travel constituted the largest share, whereas book sales formed the smallest proportion in 2003. Furthermore, by 2013, film and music had overtaken travel to become the leading retail sector.
In 2003, theA closer analysis of the data reveals that the travel sector occupied the largest share, standing at 36%, followed by clothes, and film and music, with percentages of 24% and 21% respectively. In contrast, sales of books ranked fourth, accounting for the smallest share at 19%.
Notably, the sales in 2013 witnessed an evident shift. More precisely, the figure for traveltravelling fell by 7 percentage points to 29%dropped by 7%, making it the second largest share of total sales. Meanwhile, clothes sales experienced a marked declinesubstantial drop to 16%. In stark contrast, film and music sales surged to 33%, surpassing the other three categories. Finally, the increase in book sales was slight, rising by 3 percentage points to 22%.negligible.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a well-structured summary of the online sales data in New Zealand, supported by accurate figures and a clear overview. Key features and changes between 2003 and 2013 are highlighted effectively with smooth logical transitions throughout. To reach the highest level of performance, the candidate could explicitly state the exact final percentage for books in 2013 rather than relying solely on a qualitative description of its slight increase.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear overview and accurately reports the key trends and data points from both years.
Include the specific figure for every category in both years, such as the exact percentage for books in 2013, to ensure full coverage of key features.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into well-defined paragraphs with a smooth, natural flow of ideas.
Vary cohesive devices slightly more to avoid relying on standard transition signals at the start of every sentence.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of task-appropriate vocabulary is used with natural flexibility and accurate word choices.
Incorporate a broader array of sophisticated lexical items related to proportional changes and rankings to enhance variety.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response demonstrates excellent grammatical control across a variety of complex sentence structures with virtually no errors.
Maintain this high level of precision while experimenting with advanced participle phrases and complex clauses to demonstrate ultimate flexibility.