The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
Sample Response
The pie charts comparedemonstrate four retail categoriesdiverse sub-categories of online salesvendition in the retail sectorfor retail business in New Zealand both in 2003 and 2013. OverallTo analyze this diagram, we begin by Deletetaking a closer look at the data presented and Deleteit is obvious that the travel sectortravel industries made the highest online sales in 2003 and the the film/music sectorentertainment enterprises emerged as the e-commerce leader in 2013 in New Zealand. Taking the statistical data into account, we may infer that the largest part of sales were in the travel categorysales went for travel category, 37%, in 2003 whereas a decrease of 8 percentage pointsa salient decrease, by 8%, in travel sales can be detected in 2013. If we compare those two charts, Deleteit is easy to say that there was a considerable rise in online film/music sales during the period. Similarly, online book sales rose by 3% from the initial shareratio of 19%. By contrastOn the contrary, sales share of travel and clothes dropped by 11% and 6% respectively. Most important difference between the online sales in the given years was the film/music industry's sales. They accounted for one-third of online retail sales in 2013 while a number of 2003's film/music sales was less than one-fourth of total online sales.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear overview and covers every sector with mostly accurate comparisons, supported by relevant figures. Its main weakness is the contradictory account of travel's decline, first correctly giving eight percentage points and later stating eleven; prioritise checking each calculation against the charts, while also replacing inflated or awkward wording with precise Task 1 language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and broad coverage of all four sectors are weakened by the later inaccurate claim that travel fell by eleven percentage points.
Check every stated change against both charts and report the travel decrease consistently as eight percentage points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to detailed comparisons, although the single dense paragraph and some formulaic transitions limit clarity.
Separate the overview from the detail section and group increases and decreases into clearly focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonably wide vocabulary, but choices such as 'vendition,' 'enterprises,' and 'a number of sales' are unnatural or imprecise.
Prefer standard Task 1 terms such as online sales, sectors, proportion, rose, and fell instead of inflated synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used with generally clear meaning, though article, preposition, and noun-phrase errors recur.
Edit complex sentences for complete articles and natural noun phrases, especially expressions describing proportions and changes.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.