The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens.
Sample Response
The pie charts compare how Americans spent on different commodities in 1996 with that of 1966. The expenses are given as percentages and it is obvious that cars consumed the highest percentages of American citizens’ expenditure in 1996 while it was food that required the highest ratio of money in 1966. According to the illustration, four-tenths of Americans’ expenses went on food in 1966 and they spend almost one-fourth on cars. The lowest spending Americans made was for computers which was merely 1%. Expenses by them in 1966 on furniture and petrol was roughly one-tenth each and their budget for books and restaurant meals were 6 and 7 percentages respectively. After three decades, the expenditure pattern by Americans on those goods changed noticeably. They spent 45% on cars, which constituted their highest ratio of spending on a consumer product and spending on food preparation dropped by 30%. It is interesting to note that the spending on books reduced to barely 1% while this figure went up to 10% for computers. They spend exactly double for outside meals than they did in 1966 and their cost for petrol dropped by 1% despite a hike in spending on automobiles. Finally, Americans share of spending for purchasing furniture reduced by 2% in 1996 than that of 1966.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Faulty comparison Original: in 1996 with that of 1966 Suggested revision: in 1996 with their spending in 1966 Why it matters: The comparison must match spending in one year with spending in the other.
- 2. Use chart wording Original: cars consumed Suggested revision: cars accounted for Why it matters: A category accounts for a share of expenditure rather than consuming it.
- 3. Use singular noun Original: highest percentages Suggested revision: highest percentage Why it matters: Only one highest percentage is being identified for 1996.
- 4. Clarify expenditure share Original: required the highest ratio of money Suggested revision: accounted for the largest share of expenditure Why it matters: This phrasing states the chart measure more precisely.
- 5. Correct the figure Original: four-tenths Suggested revision: 44% Why it matters: The 1966 chart shows food at 44%, not 40%.
- 6. Use past tense Original: they spend almost one-fourth Suggested revision: they spent almost one-fourth Why it matters: The sentence reports expenditure in the historical year 1966.
- 7. Clarify smallest share Original: The lowest spending Americans made Suggested revision: The smallest share of American expenditure Why it matters: This wording describes the chart category clearly and concisely.
- 8. Add nonessential comma Original: computers which Suggested revision: computers, which Why it matters: The following clause adds nonessential information about computers.
- 9. Use natural phrasing Original: Expenses by them Suggested revision: Their expenses Why it matters: The possessive form is more natural and concise here.
- 10. Fix subject agreement Original: was roughly one-tenth each Suggested revision: were roughly one-tenth each Why it matters: The plural subject “Expenses” requires the plural verb “were”.
- 11. Improve chart phrasing Original: the expenditure pattern by Americans on those goods Suggested revision: Americans’ expenditure pattern across these categories Why it matters: This replacement expresses the relationship between people and spending categories more naturally.
- 12. Use intransitive verb Original: the spending on books reduced Suggested revision: spending on books fell Why it matters: “Fell” correctly describes a decrease without an object.
Suggested Rewrites
- in 1996 with that of 1966 in 1996 with their spending in 1966
- cars consumed cars accounted for
- highest percentages highest percentage
- required the highest ratio of money accounted for the largest share of expenditure
- four-tenths 44%
- they spend almost one-fourth they spent almost one-fourth
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear overview of the shift from food to cars as the largest expense and accurately covers all seven categories with useful comparisons. Its main limitation is the recurring use of awkward or imprecise expressions alongside several agreement and tense errors, although meaning remains clear throughout. The highest priority is to use more natural data-reporting language while checking verb forms and comparative structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overview and accurately reports the major changes and figures across all seven categories.
Distinguish percentage-point changes explicitly, for example by saying food fell by 30 percentage points rather than by 30%.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically divided by year and progresses clearly, with comparisons integrated effectively into the second paragraph.
Use more precise referencing and slightly smoother links between related category changes to make the progression fully effortless.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably varied range for describing proportions and change, but several collocations are unnatural or imprecise.
Replace phrases such as "ratio of money," "7 percentages," and "outside meals" with natural statistical language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the data clearly, though agreement, tense, possessive, and comparative errors recur.
Proofread past-tense verbs and agreement, then correct forms such as "expenses were," "Americans' share," and "twice as much as."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens.
Your response
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