The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006 and 2007.
Sample Response
The table gives information on the market share of notebook computer manufacturers for two consecutive years, 2006 and 2007.
In both years, HP was clearly the market leader, selling 31.4% of all notebook computers in 2006, and slightly more (34%) in 2007. This is a greater market share than its two closest competitors, Dell and Acer, added together.
Dell increased its market share from 16.6% in 2006 to 20.2% in 2007. In contrast, Acer saw its share of the market decline slightly from 11.6% to 10.7%.
The other companies listed each had a much smaller share of the market. Toshiba’s share increased from 6.2% in 2006 to 7.3% in 2007, whereas Lenovo’s decreased slightly from 6.6% to 6.2%. Fujitsu-Siemens’ share more than halved from 2006 to 2007: from 4.8% of the market to only 2.3%.
Other notebook computer manufacturers accounted for 22.8% of the market in 2006 – more than all the companies mentioned except HP. However, in 2007 the other companies only made 19.3% of notebook computer sales – less than both HP and Dell.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify market shares Original: market share of notebook computer manufacturers Suggested revision: worldwide market shares held by notebook computer manufacturers Why it matters: The plural form and added wording describe the table's measure more precisely.
- 2. Use accurate collocation Original: selling 31.4% Suggested revision: accounting for 31.4% Why it matters: A manufacturer accounts for a market share rather than selling a percentage.
- 3. Keep past tense Original: is Suggested revision: was Why it matters: Past tense is required because the comparison concerns 2006 and 2007.
- 4. Distinguish named firms Original: The other companies listed each Suggested revision: The remaining named companies each Why it matters: This wording clearly separates the named manufacturers from the table's Others category.
- 5. Remove repeated from Original: from 2006 to 2007: from 4.8% of the market to only 2.3% Suggested revision: from 4.8% in 2006 to only 2.3% in 2007 Why it matters: The revision presents the change concisely without repeating the same preposition.
- 6. Use share collocation Original: only made 19.3% of notebook computer sales Suggested revision: accounted for only 19.3% of notebook computer sales Why it matters: Accounted for is the appropriate verb for expressing a proportion of sales.
- 7. Avoid comparison ambiguity Original: more than all the companies mentioned except HP Suggested revision: more than the share of any named company except HP Why it matters: This makes clear that 22.8% exceeds each named company's individual share, not their combined share.
- 8. Broaden the overview Suggested revision: Add a broad trend showing that HP, Dell and Toshiba gained share while Acer, Lenovo, Fujitsu-Siemens and Others declined. Why it matters: The current overview identifies the leader but does not summarise the main direction of change across manufacturers.
Suggested Rewrites
- market share of notebook computer manufacturers worldwide market shares held by notebook computer manufacturers
- selling 31.4% accounting for 31.4%
- is was
- The other companies listed each The remaining named companies each
- from 2006 to 2007: from 4.8% of the market to only 2.3% from 4.8% in 2006 to only 2.3% in 2007
- only made 19.3% of notebook computer sales accounted for only 19.3% of notebook computer sales
Why this response received Band 9.0
The response is exceptionally clear and accurate, selecting every manufacturer’s key figure and making effective comparisons across the two years. Its main limitation is that the overview focuses chiefly on HP rather than briefly synthesising the broader pattern of gains and declines; adding one concise statement about which manufacturers rose and which fell would make the overview more fully rounded.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response accurately covers all manufacturers, identifies HP’s dominance, and makes well-selected comparisons between the two years.
Broaden the overview with a concise synthesis of the general upward and downward movements across the remaining manufacturers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the market leader through major competitors to smaller manufacturers, with clear and unobtrusive linking.
For even tighter synthesis, group all rising shares and falling shares into explicitly contrasted categories.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise, with effective expressions such as “market leader,” “decline slightly,” and “more than halved.”
Refine the slightly awkward phrase “made 19.3% of notebook computer sales” to “accounted for 19.3% of the market.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex comparative structures is used accurately and naturally throughout.
Maintain this excellent control while continuing to vary the placement and form of comparative clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006 and 2007.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.