The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006, 2007 and 2014.
Sample Response
The table gives information about the global market portion of the notebook computer market for producers in three different years; 2006, 2007 and 2014.
Overall, HP computers took the biggest proportion of the market and whiles. Fujitsu company recorded the least sales across the years.
HP computers accounted for 31.4% of the market share in 2006 and had significant growth to 34% and 34.25% in 2007 and 2014, respectively. Dell computers made up 16.6% of the market value in 2006 and experienced a sharp increase by more than 10% in 2014. Toshiba company also had a steady rise of 6.2%, 7.3% and 8.12% ascendingly across the years.
Samsung, Lenovo, and Fujitsu manufacturers together had fluctuations in the percentage growth throughout the years. In 2006, Samsung made up more than one-tenth of the total market but declined by 0.9% in 2007 and saw an increment to 14.2% in 2014. Lenovo’s market share was shortened from 6.6% to 6.26% in 2006 and 2007 but had a slight increase to 7.10% in 2014. Fujitsu totalled 4.8% in 2004 but dropped to 3.1% at the of the period. Other computers portion dipped continuously throughout the years.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard metric term Original: portion Suggested revision: share Why it matters: Market share is the standard term used for the percentages in the table.
- 2. Name comparison dimension Original: for producers Suggested revision: by manufacturer Why it matters: By manufacturer states clearly how the market data are grouped.
- 3. Use colon before list Original: years; Suggested revision: years: Why it matters: A colon correctly introduces the list of three years.
- 4. Use correct measure Original: Fujitsu company recorded the least sales Suggested revision: Fujitsu recorded the smallest market share Why it matters: The table reports market share rather than sales figures.
- 5. Use concise trend verb Original: had significant growth to Suggested revision: grew to Why it matters: Grew to expresses the change in market share more naturally.
- 6. Use correct table metric Original: value Suggested revision: share Why it matters: The table gives percentage market share, not monetary market value.
- 7. Correct Dell increase Original: by more than 10% Suggested revision: by 9.52 percentage points Why it matters: Dell rises from 16.6% to 26.12%, which is an increase of 9.52 percentage points.
- 8. Remove redundant company Original: Toshiba company Suggested revision: Toshiba Why it matters: The company name alone is sufficient and more natural here.
- 9. Describe values grammatically Original: had a steady rise of 6.2%, 7.3% and 8.12% Suggested revision: rose steadily from 6.2% to 7.3% and then 8.12% Why it matters: The revision correctly links the three values to a rising trend.
- 10. Use natural time phrase Original: ascendingly across the years Suggested revision: across the three years Why it matters: Ascendingly is not natural in this context and repeats the trend already expressed.
- 11. Report exact Samsung value Original: more than one-tenth of the total market Suggested revision: 11.6% of the total market Why it matters: The table provides the exact 2006 figure, so it can be stated directly.
- 12. Use percentage points Original: declined by 0.9% Suggested revision: declined by 0.9 percentage points Why it matters: The change from 11.6% to 10.7% is a decrease of 0.9 percentage points.
Suggested Rewrites
- portion share
- for producers by manufacturer
- years; years:
- Fujitsu company recorded the least sales Fujitsu recorded the smallest market share
- had significant growth to grew to
- value share
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is well organised and covers every manufacturer, with most figures and broad movements reported accurately. Its main limitation is a cluster of imprecise statements and language errors, including the overstated Dell increase, the wrong Fujitsu year, and an incomplete overview that misses Dell's rise and Others' steep fall. Prioritise a fuller overview and careful checking of years and percentage-point changes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main companies and most values are covered accurately, but the overview is incomplete and a few numerical statements are incorrect.
Highlight HP's stability, Dell's strong rise, and Others' steep decline, then verify each year and percentage-point change.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and sensible grouping create generally logical progression despite some abrupt or incomplete linking.
Use complete transition sentences to connect the overview with the two detail groups more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
Trend vocabulary shows adequate range, but several word choices and collocations are unnatural or inaccurate.
Replace expressions such as market portion, ascendingly, and market share was shortened with standard data-description terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex forms, but recurring article, agreement, fragment, and preposition errors reduce control.
Check every sentence for a complete clause and correct noun phrases, especially company possessives and percentage comparisons.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006, 2007 and 2014.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.