The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
Sample Response
Here, the provided charts illustrate the information about the amount of sodium, Saturated fat and Added Sugar in various meals. Consumed by the citizen of the USA.
The most striking feature of the chart is that Sodium and Saturated fat are consumed more at Dinner, whilst in Snacks, the amount of Added Sugar is more.
At a fleeting glance, it reveals that Sodium and Saturated fat are taken mone in the Dinner (43% and 37% respectively) and almost one-third and more than a quarter in lunch. While about 14% and one-fifth are taken in snacks, moreover, the rest amount is consumed in breakfast (14% consumed and 16% respectively).
A glance at the chart reflects that they consumed 42% of Sugar in their Snacks, and it followed Dinner slightly less than a quarter (23%). Furthermore, followed by lunch, less than one-fifth (19%), in addition to that rest percentage (16%) of Sugar covered in breakfast.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise wording Original: illustrate the information about the amount of Suggested revision: show the proportions of Why it matters: The charts present percentage shares rather than unspecified amounts.
- 2. Use lowercase nouns Original: Saturated fat and Added Sugar Suggested revision: saturated fat and added sugar Why it matters: These common nutrient names do not require capital letters.
- 3. Name the categories Original: various meals Suggested revision: four meal categories Why it matters: The visuals divide intake among exactly four categories: breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.
- 4. Match multiple charts Original: feature of the chart Suggested revision: features of the charts Why it matters: There are three charts and the sentence identifies more than one main pattern.
- 5. Use a superlative Original: that Sodium and Saturated fat are consumed more Suggested revision: that sodium and saturated fat are consumed most Why it matters: Most correctly identifies dinner as the highest category for both nutrients.
- 6. Lowercase meal name Original: Dinner Suggested revision: dinner Why it matters: Meal names are common nouns and should not be capitalized here.
- 7. Clarify contrast Original: whilst in Snacks Suggested revision: whereas for snacks Why it matters: This connector makes the contrast between dinner and snacks grammatically clear.
- 8. State the maximum Original: the amount of Added Sugar is more Suggested revision: the proportion of added sugar is highest Why it matters: The chart shows that snacks have the largest percentage share of added sugar.
- 9. Give clause a subject Original: At a fleeting glance, it reveals that Suggested revision: The charts show that Why it matters: The original opening has an unclear pronoun and an awkward introductory phrase.
- 10. Fix spelling and wording Original: Sodium and Saturated fat are taken mone Suggested revision: sodium and saturated fat are consumed most Why it matters: Mone is a spelling error, and consumed most expresses the comparison accurately.
- 11. Use correct preposition Original: in the Dinner Suggested revision: at dinner Why it matters: At is the natural preposition with meals in this comparison.
- 12. Use exact percentage Original: almost one-third Suggested revision: 29% Why it matters: The chart provides the exact lunch share of sodium.
Suggested Rewrites
- illustrate the information about the amount of show the proportions of
- Saturated fat and Added Sugar saturated fat and added sugar
- various meals four meal categories
- feature of the chart features of the charts
- that Sodium and Saturated fat are consumed more that sodium and saturated fat are consumed most
- Dinner dinner
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response's strongest feature is its accurate coverage of all percentages and its clear identification of the main patterns across the three charts. The main limitation is frequent awkward sentence construction, including fragments and poorly connected clauses, which makes an otherwise well-selected account less fluent. The highest-priority improvement is to express each comparison in a complete, grammatically controlled sentence and use fewer mechanical linking phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview identifies the dominant meal for each nutrient, and the supporting figures are comprehensive and accurate.
Strengthen the analysis by grouping the closest comparisons more explicitly instead of mainly reporting each percentage in sequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph structure separates the overview and nutrient details logically, but linking within the detail paragraphs is sometimes mechanical or poorly controlled.
Use straightforward comparison sentences and remove unnecessary connectors such as moreover and in addition to that where they do not clarify relationships.
Lexical Resource
The response uses sufficient topic vocabulary and several useful comparison expressions, though inaccurate choices such as taken mone and Sugar covered reduce precision.
Replace vague or unnatural consumption phrases with precise forms such as accounted for, was consumed at, or made up.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is some variety in sentence forms, but fragments, faulty clause connections, article errors, and inconsistent capitalisation occur frequently.
Prioritise writing complete sentences with a clear subject and verb before adding subordinate clauses or linking expressions.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.