The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.
Sample Response
The two charts give information about the gender and number of athletes who have entered the Games since they started. The bar chart illustrates the number of men and women entering the Games, whereas the line graph shows the number of participants.
It is evident from the bar chart that, until 2012, there were always significantly more men entering the Games than women. In 1924 and 1952, there were hardly any women entering the Games, yet in 1952 there were over 4,000 male participants. In 2012, however, the number of female athletes rose significantly to nearly 5,000, only approximately 1,000 lower than male participants.
The line graph shows a similar trend, with the number of participants increasing throughout the century. The most significant increase occurred between 1984 and 2012, when the number of athletes rose from just over 6,000 to over 10,000 in 2012.
To summarise therefore, since 1924 the number of athletes entering the Olympic Games, has increased dramatically. This is particularly the case for women, who are now represented in nearly the same numbers as male participants.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe both groups Original: the gender and number of athletes Suggested revision: the numbers of male and female athletes Why it matters: This wording states more precisely what the bar chart measures.
- 2. Specify the total Original: number of participants. Suggested revision: total number of participants. Why it matters: The line represents all participants combined, so 'total' makes the measure explicit.
- 3. Compare like quantities Original: only approximately 1,000 lower than male participants Suggested revision: approximately 1,000 fewer than the number of male participants Why it matters: A numerical figure should be compared with another number rather than directly with participants.
- 4. Use the plotted period Original: increasing throughout the century Suggested revision: rising at every recorded point from 1924 to 2012 Why it matters: The visual covers selected years from 1924 to 2012 rather than an entire century.
- 5. Streamline the overview Original: To summarise therefore Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: One overview marker is sufficient and gives the final paragraph a cleaner opening.
- 6. Remove the comma Original: Olympic Games, Suggested revision: Olympic Games Why it matters: A comma must not separate the subject from its verb here.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: In 1924 and 1952, there were hardly any women entering the Games, yet in 1952 there were over 4,000 male participants. Suggested revision: Women numbered only about 100 in 1924 and around 500 in 1952, while male participation rose from approximately 3,000 to 4,500. Why it matters: The rewrite distinguishes the two years and provides a clearer comparison between the male and female figures.
- 8. Cover the earlier totals Suggested revision: Add the approximate totals for 1924 and 1952 before describing the later increase. Why it matters: Reporting only 1984 and 2012 leaves the first half of the line graph insufficiently covered.
Suggested Rewrites
- the gender and number of athletes the numbers of male and female athletes
- number of participants. total number of participants.
- only approximately 1,000 lower than male participants approximately 1,000 fewer than the number of male participants
- increasing throughout the century rising at every recorded point from 1924 to 2012
- To summarise therefore Overall
- Olympic Games, Olympic Games
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response provides a clear, well-selected overview and accurately highlights the strongest changes in participation, especially the dramatic rise in female athletes. Its main limitation is that it gives relatively little detail about the intermediate years and occasionally uses slightly awkward phrasing. The highest-priority improvement is to compare the 1924, 1952, and 1984 figures more systematically while preserving the concise structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate key figures capture the major overall growth and the especially sharp rise in female participation.
Support the overview with a more systematic comparison of male, female, and total figures across the intermediate years.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the gender comparison to total participation, with clear paragraphing and well-controlled links.
Make the final summary more economical by avoiding repetition of trends already stated in the overview and body.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural enough to describe trends and comparisons with very little strain.
Refine occasional slightly awkward wording such as repeated references to participants and entering the Games.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Check final punctuation carefully, particularly the unnecessary comma separating the subject from the verb in the conclusion.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.