The diagram below shows how online purchases are made. Describe the process of online purchase.
Sample Response
The flow chart illustrates the process of online shopping; this mechanism involves interactions amongst the merchant, the buyer and the credit company.
First of all, the buyer must order the product online and provide their credit card information in order for the credit card companymerchant company to check the cardholder's identitytheir authenticity (the card must belong to the buyer), and whether sufficient funds are availableand the available funds. AtIn this stage, the card is either approved or declinedthe credit card can be either accepted or rejected.
If the card is approvedIn case of the credit card being accepted, the customer's order will be fulfilledorder will be successfully made then the merchantthen the retail company requests the paymentrequests for the money from the credit company. The final stage for this case is that the credit card companythat Credit Company sends the requested paymentdemanded amount of money to the merchantto the retail company.
AlternativelyConversely, if the card is rejected, the merchant will be notifiedwill receive a notification from the credit card company. FinallyIn the last step, the order is declined and canceled by the merchant and a notification is sent to the buyer that the purchase has been canceledabout the canceled purchase.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents the process in a clear chronological structure and successfully separates the approval and rejection routes. The main limitation is occasional imprecision about who performs each action, particularly the credit check, along with a few awkward collocations and sentence joins. The highest priority is to preserve the diagram's exact actors and stages while expressing each transition in concise, controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response covers both possible branches and nearly all stages clearly, though it inaccurately suggests that the merchant rather than the credit company checks identity and funds.
Attribute every stage to the correct party and state explicitly that the process branches after the credit company's decision.
Coherence and Cohesion
The process is logically divided into its initial stage and two outcomes, with clear progression and generally effective linking.
Separate the approval sequence into more controlled steps so that fulfilment, the merchant's request, and receipt of payment are distinctly connected.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and appropriate for a process description, despite a few awkward choices such as requests for the money and demanded amount.
Use more precise transactional collocations, such as requests payment, transfers the funds, and verifies the cardholder's identity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence forms with generally good control, while a few awkward constructions and a run-on sentence slightly reduce precision.
Improve clause boundaries and article use, especially when several consecutive stages are described in one sentence.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows how online purchases are made. Describe the process of online purchase.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.