The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia.
Sample Response
The graph below illustrates information on the number of students from foreign countries who studied in Australia between 1982 and 2000. According to the data given by the graph, it can be clearly seen that the number of students that arrived from Indonesia and Hong Kong differed from Malaysia and Singapore.
Between 1982 and 1984, the number of students from Indonesia remained constant. In 1987 it dramatically went up and in 1994 reached a peak with the figure of about 28,000 students. By contrast, the number of students travelling from Hong Kong to Australia reached its maximum in 1997, having achieved the level of 18,000 students. The figures for Malaysia and Singapore slightly differ from Indonesia and Hong Kong. In 1987, Malaysia reached the level of about 28,000 students arrived.
To summarise, there was a downward trend in the number of students coming from different four countries to Australia for studies.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct reporting Original: illustrates information on Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: Shows is a more direct verb for introducing visual data.
- 2. Use task terminology Original: students from foreign countries Suggested revision: overseas students Why it matters: Overseas students is the concise term used in the task.
- 3. Describe origin correctly Original: students that arrived from Suggested revision: students from Why it matters: The graph classifies students by country of residence rather than reporting their arrival action.
- 4. Specify trend contrast Original: differed from Suggested revision: followed different trends from Why it matters: The revision makes clear that the comparison concerns changes over time.
- 5. Correct rise description Original: it dramatically went up Suggested revision: it began to rise gradually Why it matters: The Indonesian figure increased gradually after the mid-1980s rather than jumping dramatically in one year.
- 6. Correct peak data Original: in 1994 reached a peak with the figure of about 28,000 students Suggested revision: reached about 10,000 in 1994 before peaking at roughly 27,000 in 1998 Why it matters: The graph places the Indonesian peak near 27,000 in 1998, not 28,000 in 1994.
- 7. Use concise category Original: students travelling from Hong Kong to Australia Suggested revision: students from Hong Kong Why it matters: The shorter phrase identifies the series without implying that the graph measures journeys.
- 8. Report figure directly Original: having achieved the level of Suggested revision: at approximately Why it matters: This replacement reports the value more concisely.
- 9. Use past tense Original: slightly differ Suggested revision: differed considerably Why it matters: Past tense is needed for the historical period, and the series show substantial differences.
- 10. Compare like figures Original: from Indonesia and Hong Kong Suggested revision: from those for Indonesia and Hong Kong Why it matters: Those is required to compare figures with figures rather than figures with countries.
- 11. Correct Malaysia figure Original: In 1987, Malaysia reached the level of about 28,000 students arrived Suggested revision: In 1987, the Malaysian figure was about 8,000 students Why it matters: The graph shows roughly 8,000 Malaysian students around 1987, not 28,000.
- 12. Reverse trend direction Original: downward trend Suggested revision: overall upward trend Why it matters: All four series end substantially higher than they begin.
Suggested Rewrites
- illustrates information on shows
- students from foreign countries overseas students
- students that arrived from students from
- differed from followed different trends from
- it dramatically went up it began to rise gradually
- in 1994 reached a peak with the figure of about 28,000 students reached about 10,000 in 1994 before peaking at roughly 27,000 in 1998
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response uses a clear report structure and attempts to compare the four national groups, with generally understandable language. However, it omits most of Singapore’s trend and gives several major inaccuracies, including placing Indonesia’s peak in 1994, reporting Malaysia at about 28,000 in 1987, and describing an overall decline. Prioritise an accurate overview of the common upward movement and select a few reliable peak and end-point comparisons from the graph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response addresses the graph but lacks a valid overview, omits Singapore’s development, and reports several major figures and trends inaccurately.
State that all four groups increased overall, then verify key dates and values before comparing their peaks and final levels.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is arranged into an introduction, a detail paragraph, and a conclusion, but progression is weakened by loosely connected and incomplete comparisons.
Group the four series logically and connect each comparison to a shared time point or trend.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to describe movement and comparison, though repetition and awkward collocations limit precision.
Use accurate trend phrases such as rose gradually, peaked at, and remained stable, while avoiding repetitive references to students.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex sentences are both attempted, but recurring errors in clause construction, word order, and noun phrases reduce control.
Proofread comparative clauses and constructions after figures, especially phrases such as the number of students arriving and reached about 28,000.