The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the percentage of USA, Sweden and Japan inhabitants aged 65 and above between a hundred years.
Overall, at the start, America And Sweden had the highest percentage of old adults in their countries, whereas, in the End, Although both increased in the percentile, It was projected That they would both be behind japan which started below them at 100 years ago.
In 1940, America Had The highest percentage of old aged people at just below 10%, Followed closely by Sweden at around 7%. However, they fluctuated over the years, around the year 2000, there are more old people in Sweden than in the USA. It Was projected That by 2040, Sweden would have the second highest percentile of old people below japan at 25%, While the USA will have the least at approximately 23%.
At the start, the old adults aged 65 or more living in japan(5%) was the least of the three, almost half the percentage of the USA which was the highest. It remained relatively below 5% for 60 years till 2000 when it saw a gradual increase to double that figure, it Was predicted That by 2040, there would be a dramatic rise in the per cent of old people in Japan, and it will hold the highest figure of the three at just above 25%.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct form and capitals Original: America Had The highest percentage of old aged people Suggested revision: the USA had the highest proportion of people aged 65 and over Why it matters: The revision fixes unnecessary capitals and uses an accurate grammatical description of the group.
- 2. Lowercase continuation Original: Followed Suggested revision: followed Why it matters: This participial phrase continues the same sentence and should not begin with a capital letter.
- 3. Correct capitalization Original: It Was projected That by 2040 Suggested revision: It was projected that by 2040 Why it matters: Common words inside the sentence should not be capitalized.
- 4. Use correct measure Original: percentile of old people Suggested revision: proportion of older people Why it matters: 'Proportion' describes a population share, whereas 'percentile' has a different statistical meaning.
- 5. Clarify ranking Original: below japan at 25% Suggested revision: at 25%, below Japan Why it matters: This word order clearly reports Sweden's value and its position relative to Japan.
- 6. Lowercase conjunction Original: While Suggested revision: while Why it matters: 'While' links two clauses within the same sentence and should be lowercase.
- 7. Keep projected tense Original: will have the least Suggested revision: would have the lowest proportion Why it matters: 'Would' matches the earlier reporting verb 'projected', and 'lowest proportion' is the correct comparison.
- 8. Fix subject structure Original: the old adults aged 65 or more living in japan(5%) was the least Suggested revision: the proportion of people aged 65 or over in Japan (5%) was the lowest Why it matters: The revision makes the percentage the grammatical subject and corrects the country name.
- 9. Clarify comparison Original: almost half the percentage of the USA Suggested revision: about half the USA's percentage Why it matters: This phrasing states the proportional comparison more directly.
- 10. Remove repetition Original: which was the highest Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The sentence has already identified the USA as the highest, so this relative clause repeats the point.
- 11. Remove vague modifier Original: relatively below 5% Suggested revision: below 5% Why it matters: 'Relatively' adds no clear meaning to the numerical statement.
- 12. Use formal time marker Original: till Suggested revision: until Why it matters: 'Until' is more appropriate in a formal statistical report.
Suggested Rewrites
- America Had The highest percentage of old aged people the USA had the highest proportion of people aged 65 and over
- Followed followed
- It Was projected That by 2040 It was projected that by 2040
- percentile of old people proportion of older people
- below japan at 25% at 25%, below Japan
- While while
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response provides a clear overall comparison and correctly identifies Japan as the projected leader by 2040, with generally relevant endpoint figures. Its main limitation is uneven precision: Japan’s mid-period change is compressed inaccurately, while awkward sentence construction and frequent capitalization and agreement errors reduce control. Prioritise tracing each country’s timeline accurately in shorter, grammatically complete sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main overall trends and 2040 rankings are identified accurately, though Japan’s gradual rise after 2000 and some intermediate movements are reported imprecisely.
Trace Japan’s values more accurately from about 5% in 2000 to 10% around 2030 before its sharp rise to roughly 27% in 2040.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a sensible overview-then-detail structure and groups information by country, but several long comma-linked sentences weaken flow.
Separate each major time comparison into a complete sentence and use connectors only where the relationship is explicit.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for describing change and prediction, but awkward choices such as between a hundred years, percentile, and old aged reduce precision.
Use consistent terms such as over the 100-year period, proportion, and people aged 65 and over.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex forms are attempted, but frequent capitalization, agreement, tense, article, and sentence-boundary errors limit grammatical control.
Correct subject-verb agreement and tense consistency, then split run-on sentences before checking capitalization and punctuation.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.