The table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. Figures (in thousand) for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.
Sample Response
The bar graph shows the number of imprisonment in five countries - Britain, Australia, New Zealand, the US and Canada, between 1930 and 1980.
Overall, Canada had the highest number of prisoners in 1930 while Great Britain had the least. But after 50 years, the figure for incarceration decreased in Canada and the United States had the highest number of prisoners.
Initially, in 1930, Canada had 120 thousand prisoners and that was the highest number of inmates among the five countries. There were 100 thousand prisoners both in the US and New Zealand. Again, Australia had around 70 thousand prisoners and Great Britain had only 30 thousand prisoners and that was the lowest. After a decade, the prisoners’ number in Britain remained almost the same while the number decreased in Australia, New Zealand and Canada. But this year the total number of prisoners increased in the US by 30 thousand and reached 130 thousand. In 1950, the prisoners’ number increased in Britain and slightly decreased in Australia and New Zealand. On the other hand, the prisoner in Canada increased and got highest among the five countries and decreased in the US. A similar trend in terms of prisoner numbers in these countries could be observed after a decade. Finally, in 1980, the prisoners’ number in these countries increased except in Australia. The US had the highest number of prisoners this year and Great Britain, Canada and New Zealand had more than 80 thousand prisoners this year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a countable noun Original: number of imprisonment Suggested revision: number of prisoners Why it matters: ‘Imprisonment’ is an abstract process, while the chart counts prisoners.
- 2. Use an em dash Original: countries - Britain Suggested revision: countries—Britain Why it matters: An em dash correctly introduces the list without spaced hyphen punctuation.
- 3. Name the figure Original: had the least Suggested revision: had the lowest figure Why it matters: ‘Lowest figure’ is the precise expression for the smallest value on a chart.
- 4. Use a smoother link Original: But after 50 years Suggested revision: After 50 years Why it matters: The time phrase provides sufficient contrast without the conversational opening ‘But’.
- 5. Keep the measure consistent Original: the figure for incarceration Suggested revision: the number of prisoners Why it matters: This wording matches the chart’s count and avoids switching to an abstract concept.
- 6. Place both correctly Original: both in the US and New Zealand Suggested revision: in both the US and New Zealand Why it matters: ‘Both’ should directly precede the two coordinated countries.
- 7. Fix the noun phrase Original: the prisoners’ number in Britain Suggested revision: the number of prisoners in Britain Why it matters: The standard quantitative structure is ‘the number of prisoners’.
- 8. Correct Canada’s trend Original: decreased in Australia, New Zealand and Canada Suggested revision: decreased in Australia and New Zealand but remained unchanged in Canada Why it matters: Canada stays at about 120 thousand between 1930 and 1940.
- 9. Name the year Original: But this year Suggested revision: In 1940 Why it matters: An explicit year is clearer than the vague reference ‘this year’.
- 10. Remove misleading total Original: total number of prisoners Suggested revision: number of prisoners Why it matters: The value is the US figure rather than a total across countries.
- 11. Use natural word order Original: the prisoners’ number increased in Britain Suggested revision: the number of prisoners in Britain increased Why it matters: This structure places the measured quantity and country before the trend verb.
- 12. Use a natural plural Original: the prisoners’ number in these countries Suggested revision: prisoner numbers in these countries Why it matters: The plural phrase is the natural form when referring to several national figures.
Suggested Rewrites
- number of imprisonment number of prisoners
- countries - Britain countries—Britain
- had the least had the lowest figure
- But after 50 years After 50 years
- the figure for incarceration the number of prisoners
- both in the US and New Zealand in both the US and New Zealand
Why this response received Band 6.0
The report provides a clear endpoint overview and accurately presents many of the 1930, 1940, and 1980 figures. Coverage becomes uneven in the middle decades, with 1970 omitted and Canada incorrectly described as increasing in 1950, while recurring noun and agreement errors weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to select representative comparisons across every decade and verify each stated direction of change.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The task is generally addressed with an accurate broad overview and several correct comparisons, but middle-year coverage is limited and one Canadian trend is misstated.
Include a concise comparison for 1960 and 1970 and verify that Canada fell slightly rather than increased in 1950.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and chronological organisation support progression, though the later decades are compressed and some links are mechanical.
Balance the body by grouping the first three decades and the final three decades with one focused comparison in each group.
Lexical Resource
The response uses some appropriate variation such as ‘inmates’ and ‘incarceration’, but repeated phrases like ‘prisoners’ number’ are unnatural.
Prefer accurate collocations such as ‘the number of prisoners’ and ‘recorded the highest figure’ throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear through varied sentence forms, but article, agreement, noun-form, and clause-control errors occur repeatedly.
Edit each sentence for singular-plural agreement and complete comparative structures, particularly where countries and figures are contrasted.
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