The diagram below shows the environmental issues raised by a product over its lifecycle.
Sample Response
The given diagram depicts the lifecycle of a product and the consequences due to its manufacturing. Generally speaking, most of the seven phases of production have a direct effect on the environment. As is observed, the first step in the product manufacturing is planning and designing according to the needs. Then, the manufacturer starts to put the materials into action by consuming the required substances and energy resources, which lead to the third phase - production. It is clearly seen that these two steps have a direct impact on the environment. After that, the product undergoes packaging and distribution to shops and markets. Then, the product is sold to the consumers. Noting that packaging and sales might include adding covers on the product and using bags for selling it, which surely have a negative effect on the environment. Furthermore, after the product is consumed by the customers, it will have two possible destinations, disposing or recycling. Of course, disposing of the product makes it a burden to the environment while recycling it reduces the amount of the materials required for production. Finally, feedbacks are collected to help the designers in their upcoming plans. [Author - Mo Alaa ]
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Cover full lifecycle Original: consequences due to its manufacturing Suggested revision: environmental effects across its lifecycle Why it matters: The diagram covers impacts across the whole lifecycle, not only manufacturing.
- 2. Name stages accurately Original: seven phases of production Suggested revision: seven stages in the product lifecycle Why it matters: Sales, customer use, and recycling are lifecycle stages rather than production phases.
- 3. Natural process phrase Original: in the product manufacturing Suggested revision: in the product-development process Why it matters: The original noun phrase is unidiomatic in this context.
- 4. Match stage label Original: planning and designing Suggested revision: planning and design Why it matters: The noun pair matches the stage label and creates parallel wording.
- 5. Remove unsupported detail Original: according to the needs Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The diagram does not state that planning and design are based on needs.
- 6. Use precise process verb Original: put the materials into action Suggested revision: begin manufacturing Why it matters: The original expression is vague and unnatural for describing production.
- 7. Match diagram term Original: substances Suggested revision: materials Why it matters: The diagram specifically refers to consumption of materials and energy resources.
- 8. Fix agreement Original: which lead Suggested revision: which leads Why it matters: The singular process of consumption takes the singular verb leads.
- 9. Introduce stage cleanly Original: third phase - production Suggested revision: third phase: production Why it matters: A colon introduces the named phase more clearly than a spaced hyphen.
- 10. Use generic plural Original: the consumers Suggested revision: consumers Why it matters: No article is needed when consumers refers to people in general.
- 11. Use noun forms Original: destinations, disposing or recycling Suggested revision: outcomes: disposal or recycling Why it matters: The alternatives require parallel noun forms rather than a noun and an -ing form.
- 12. Correct collocation Original: a burden to the environment Suggested revision: harmful to the environment Why it matters: Harmful to expresses the environmental effect directly and idiomatically.
Suggested Rewrites
- consequences due to its manufacturing environmental effects across its lifecycle
- seven phases of production seven stages in the product lifecycle
- in the product manufacturing in the product-development process
- planning and designing planning and design
- according to the needs Delete
- put the materials into action begin manufacturing
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response follows the lifecycle in a clear sequence and includes all seven labelled stages, disposal, recycling, and feedback. Its main limitation is that it adds speculative claims about covers, bags, and environmental effects instead of explaining the diagram's arrows precisely. The highest priority is to give a sharper cyclical overview and state explicitly how recycling returns to material and energy consumption and feedback returns to planning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The main stages and two end routes are described, but the overview is imprecise and several environmental explanations are not shown in the diagram.
Focus strictly on the depicted sequence and highlight the recycling and feedback loops as the principal overview features.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information moves logically through the numbered stages, and the sequencing devices make the process easy to follow despite the single paragraph.
Separate the overview from the stage details and group the main cycle, disposal branch, and feedback loop more deliberately.
Lexical Resource
A good range of process vocabulary is used, including consumption, resources, packaging, distribution, and recycling, with some imprecise collocations.
Replace awkward phrases such as put the materials into action and adding covers with exact process descriptions drawn from the diagram.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but errors in articles, word forms, and sentence construction recur, including the fragment beginning Noting that.
Revise fragments into complete sentences and check article use, subject-verb agreement, and uncountable nouns such as feedback.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the environmental issues raised by a product over its lifecycle.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.