The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.
Sample Response
The maps illustrate the overall development of Grange park in Arnold avenue staged in two different periods - the first one depicts the park during its inauguration in 1920, and the latter portrays its present-day layout.
Generally speaking, the overall layout of the park has been changed drastically except for the main entrances at Arnold avenue and Eldon Street.
The park first opened in 1920, and it went through drastic developments since then. To begin with, the key feature of the park- the central fountain, has been demolished. The rose garden was earlier scattered around the periphery of the park along with the seating arrangements, but now it has been remobilised to the centre of the park. Meanwhile, the stage for the musicians has been further converted to an "Amphitheatre" for concerts to accommodate a larger crowd. However, the rose garden on the northwest has been retained.
Besides, the glasshouse on the southeast side has been redesigned with a water feature and an underground entrance to the car park for visitors. The addition of amenities such as the cafe on the northeast side adjacent to Arnold avenue was also done. Finally, the pond of water plants was redesigned to accommodate a children’s play area.
[Writteb by - Ananya]
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Capitalise proper name Original: Grange park Suggested revision: Grange Park Why it matters: Both words in the park's proper name require capital letters.
- 2. Correct place phrase Original: in Arnold avenue Suggested revision: on Arnold Avenue Why it matters: Use 'on' for the street location and capitalise the street name.
- 3. Use natural timing Original: staged in two different periods Suggested revision: at two points in time Why it matters: The original wording is unnatural for comparing two map dates.
- 4. Use an em dash Original: - Suggested revision: — Why it matters: An em dash correctly links the explanation without spaced hyphen punctuation.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: during its inauguration Suggested revision: when it opened Why it matters: 'When it opened' is the natural phrase for a public park beginning operation.
- 6. Use active change Original: has been changed drastically Suggested revision: has changed drastically Why it matters: The layout itself changed, so the passive construction is unnecessary here.
- 7. Clarify unchanged features Original: except for the main entrances Suggested revision: while the two main entrances have remained Why it matters: This clause makes the contrast with the unchanged entrances grammatically complete.
- 8. Fix present perfect Original: it went through drastic developments since then Suggested revision: it has undergone extensive redevelopment since then Why it matters: 'Since then' requires the present perfect for changes continuing up to today.
- 9. Punctuate apposition Original: park- the central fountain, Suggested revision: park—the central fountain— Why it matters: Paired dashes correctly enclose the appositive phrase.
- 10. Avoid unsupported detail Original: has been demolished Suggested revision: was removed Why it matters: The map shows the fountain's removal but does not establish that it was demolished.
- 11. Use accurate plural Original: The rose garden was earlier scattered Suggested revision: The rose gardens were previously located Why it matters: The 1920 plan shows three separate rose gardens rather than one scattered garden.
- 12. Choose correct verb Original: remobilised Suggested revision: relocated Why it matters: 'Relocated' is the appropriate verb for a feature moved to a new position.
Suggested Rewrites
- Grange park Grange Park
- in Arnold avenue on Arnold Avenue
- staged in two different periods at two points in time
- - —
- during its inauguration when it opened
- has been changed drastically has changed drastically
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear overview and covers nearly all major changes, with especially effective attention to the park’s retained entrances and transformed facilities. Its main weakness is imprecise wording that occasionally misrepresents replacement as redesign and makes some descriptions sound unnatural. Prioritise exact map language, such as ‘replaced by’ and ‘converted into’, while grouping the western, central, and eastern changes more systematically.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and comprehensive coverage identify the major retained, removed, relocated, and added features, although a few replacements are described imprecisely.
Distinguish exact replacements from redesigns and state more precisely that the southeastern glasshouse gave way to a water feature and nearby underground-car-park access.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly from an overview to broadly grouped changes, with effective referencing and linking despite some repetition.
Organise the details more deliberately by western, central, and eastern areas, avoiding repeated statements about the scale of development.
Lexical Resource
A good range of map-description vocabulary conveys the changes, but choices such as ‘staged’, ‘remobilised’, and ‘redesigned with’ are awkward or inaccurate.
Prefer precise natural collocations such as ‘shown at two points in time’, ‘relocated’, ‘replaced by’, and ‘converted into’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally well controlled, though agreement, article, punctuation, and construction errors occur occasionally.
Check noun agreement and sentence boundaries, especially in phrases such as ‘the rose gardens were scattered’ and the appositive around ‘the central fountain’.
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