The graph below shows the average length of stay last year (in days) for serious injuries for different age groups in private and public hospitals in Queensland, Australia.
Sample Response
The graph provides two sets of statistics regarding the differing lengths of stays last year for patients with serious injuries in private and public hospitals in Queensland, Australia. The information is given for age groups for every four years of age.
Overall, it is clear that last year public hospitals stays were longer than stays at private hospitals across all age groups, with only one exception. The average lengths of stay were, however, very similar in trend in terms of how the stays rose and dropped.
The figures for public hospitals begin for the age group zero to four years. The lengths of stay go up very sharply and steadily from this age group, starting at around four days up to just under sixty days for the age group twenty-five to twenty-nine. There is then a sharp and steady drop to just over forty days to the age group thirty-five to thirty-nine. There is a more sharp increase to approximately fifty-seven days for the next age group and then there is a decrease in the length of hospital stays. This drop is sharp to start with, but slows down from the age group fifty to fifty-four years (around twenty-seven days) to eighty-five years plus (around eighteen days).
The figures for private hospitals follow a similar trend. The figures begin with the age group fifteen to nineteen years. They show a rise to a peak at the age group twenty-five to twenty-nine, the same peak age group for public hospitals. There is then a mostly steady drop in the length of hospital stay until the eighty-five years age group, where the length of stay is the same as the stay at public hospitals (around eighteen days). This is the only average length of stay that is the same for the public and private hospitals. The average length of stay is always larger in the age groups at public hospitals.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: stays Suggested revision: stay Why it matters: Use the singular uncountable form when referring generally to duration in hospital.
- 2. Correct age intervals Original: for every four years of age Suggested revision: in five-year age bands Why it matters: The chart groups ages into five-year bands rather than four-year intervals.
- 3. Fix noun phrase Original: public hospitals stays Suggested revision: stays in public hospitals Why it matters: The prepositional phrase correctly expresses where the stays occurred.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: very similar in trend Suggested revision: very similar in their trends Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the comparison more naturally.
- 5. Describe figures precisely Original: dropped Suggested revision: fell Why it matters: Figures conventionally rise and fall in chart descriptions.
- 6. Fix starting phrase Original: for the age group zero to four years Suggested revision: with the zero-to-four age group Why it matters: The revised preposition and compound modifier make the sentence grammatical.
- 7. Use correct preposition Original: to the age group thirty-five to thirty-nine Suggested revision: by the 35-to-39 age group Why it matters: Use by to identify the age group at which the figure reached that level.
- 8. Use comparative adjective Original: a more sharp increase Suggested revision: a sharper increase Why it matters: The comparative form of sharp is sharper.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: The average length of stay is always larger in the age groups at public hospitals. Suggested revision: Except for the 85-and-over group, the average length of stay was longer in public hospitals. Why it matters: The chart shows equal stays at 85 and over, so the final comparison needs this exception.
- 10. Strengthen the overview Suggested revision: Add that public-hospital stays had pronounced peaks at ages 25–29 and 40–44, while private-hospital stays peaked at 25–29. Why it matters: Naming the major peaks would make the overview more informative and visually grounded.
Suggested Rewrites
- stays stay
- for every four years of age in five-year age bands
- public hospitals stays stays in public hospitals
- very similar in trend very similar in their trends
- dropped fell
- for the age group zero to four years with the zero-to-four age group
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear overview and a detailed, largely accurate account of both hospital series, with sensible selection of peaks, declines, and the final convergence. Its main weakness is occasional imprecision in wording and in describing minor fluctuations. Greater lexical variety and closer attention to comparative forms and small reversals would make an already strong report more exact and polished.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and well-selected data accurately describe the main peaks, declines, and the equality at 85+, although a few minor fluctuations are simplified.
Acknowledge the small rises within the later downward trends and describe the five-year age bands accurately.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses logically from the overview to separate, well-developed accounts of the public and private series.
Reduce repeated sequencing patterns by grouping related changes into slightly more concise comparative sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, though repeated uses of sharp, drop, and length of stay and a few awkward collocations limit flexibility.
Use more varied, exact trend language and replace awkward forms such as more sharp with sharper.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is handled well, with occasional errors in possessives, articles, and comparative forms that do not impede meaning.
Proofread noun phrases and comparisons, especially public hospital stays, the 85+ age group, and sharper increase.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the average length of stay last year (in days) for serious injuries for different age groups in private and public hospitals in Queensland, Australia.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.